Honey once again i adore your piece.
Suggeztion...there are a couple lines that lose the rhyme..
I use intermittent rhyme a lot..but its scattered and only when there is no other pattern. There is a pattern here..i would stick to it..
But thsts no biggie...did not keep me from loving this clever piece of philosophic poetry! Well done!
And i love the end that has a hopeful and empowering end⭐💗
Good for you mih darlin Mistress Hope.
Love and wishes of empowerment...
Calamity of Jennifer
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank you so much, Jennifer! It always feels good to know how I can improve my writing, even if it's.. read moreThank you so much, Jennifer! It always feels good to know how I can improve my writing, even if it's not a biggie; details should be paid attention to. I'll try to keep to the rhyme the next time I write a patterned piece like this. Thank you so much for your helpful review :)
Well... i disagree with the description. what we were has a lot to do with what we are and will be.
whatever one was, will be part of em. no one can rip out pieces of themselves.
as for the write, i loved it.
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
I was a kind soul, once upon a time, Danny. Now I'm as evil as Loki of The Avengers, as angry as the.. read moreI was a kind soul, once upon a time, Danny. Now I'm as evil as Loki of The Avengers, as angry as the Hulk, half of the time. So, no, nothing we were can predict what we'll become, although hearing you say that gives me hope for my redemption *HopefulSigh*
9 Years Ago
idc. that's only my honest opinion. you're welcome.
9 Years Ago
Bleh. And I just discovered that I'm so outdated that I had to actually look up the full form of "id.. read moreBleh. And I just discovered that I'm so outdated that I had to actually look up the full form of "idc" on Google. Talk of a slow brain and pretentiousness. Somewhat like killing machines bare-handed and alone ... You're welcome.
9 Years Ago
lol. i meant i don't care...if you're mad at me for disagreeing... lol
9 Years Ago
You "lol" too many times ... Take a break ... Have a glass of water ... Your voice must be hoarse, b.. read moreYou "lol" too many times ... Take a break ... Have a glass of water ... Your voice must be hoarse, by now. And no, I'm not angry (I'm in Bruce Banner Mode, now, you see).
9 Years Ago
hahaha lol lol
9 Years Ago
I'm in a good mood for a change ... not taking a break. lol
9 Years Ago
You have quite an extensive vocabulary, Danny. I'm impressed. Did you know a red line appears beneat.. read moreYou have quite an extensive vocabulary, Danny. I'm impressed. Did you know a red line appears beneath the word "lol"? Do you know what that good ol' line means? It means "lol" is not a word, at all. So stop "lol"ing. *LOL*
9 Years Ago
idc. lmao.
9 Years Ago
Well, idc, either, if you're "lmao"ing or "rofl"ing or simply "lol"ing. You seriously need a breathe.. read moreWell, idc, either, if you're "lmao"ing or "rofl"ing or simply "lol"ing. You seriously need a breather, dude. I'm starting to worry for your lungs (laughter is NOT always good for health).
9 Years Ago
lol no worries, my lungs are made of titanium...lol
9 Years Ago
Hail the new Wolverine! (Although, he had astatine flowing in him, not titanium, but still). Now you.. read moreHail the new Wolverine! (Although, he had astatine flowing in him, not titanium, but still). Now you stand a 49/51 chance of winning against the machines.
9 Years Ago
lol. metal brain, steel heart, titanium lungs, advanced weaponry, metal music for my ears. Hehehe br.. read morelol. metal brain, steel heart, titanium lungs, advanced weaponry, metal music for my ears. Hehehe bring it machinery. I'll stomp em in the ground. hehehe. eat em 'n smile. :D
9 Years Ago
i shoot to thrill, 'n I'm ready to kill!
around town for rock 'n roll,
sometim.. read morei shoot to thrill, 'n I'm ready to kill!
around town for rock 'n roll,
sometimes got beat, so I've had enough. time for the mask to go off. Hellraiser!
9 Years Ago
Please don't smile after chewing machines and metal (Then, you'll actually look like your profile pi.. read morePlease don't smile after chewing machines and metal (Then, you'll actually look like your profile pic). And, as for your metallic physique ... Welcome to Earth, Stormtrooper. *CueStarWarsTheme*
9 Years Ago
Going to read "Bit of Reality". Cross your fingers, buddy, CROSS YOUR fingers ...
Checking health status....
Sensors activated.
Health maximum level.
Ammunition .. read moreChecking health status....
Sensors activated.
Health maximum level.
Ammunition maximum level.
Armaments... Primary weapons checked.
Secondary weapons checked.
All systems are ready.
"lock 'n load."
*hut hut hut...! running towards unaware machines.*
★target locked.★
"hehehe. say nighty night tin cans." >:)
9 Years Ago
Wow. We've unconsciously/subconsciously started writing a screenplay. And it's COOL!
.. read moreWow. We've unconsciously/subconsciously started writing a screenplay. And it's COOL!
Tin Can #1 (In Machine Tongue): Do you hear that sound?
Tin Can #2 (while sucking the marrow from a human femur): Eh...?
You (Soliloquy): They are unaware...! Yessssss.....
9 Years Ago
cool.!!! i love it. hey...maybe we should do a collaboration.
9 Years Ago
Sure. Just promise not to include any "lol"s in that.
9 Years Ago
Deal! Okey, now if you got any spectacular ideas to start it off, then it would be the right moment,.. read moreDeal! Okey, now if you got any spectacular ideas to start it off, then it would be the right moment, for sharing them. I've got one, but it would take long to develop it, to the point where the heroes are fighting day after day to survive.
9 Years Ago
So you've got the idea of an end, but you're clueless about the beginning. Way to go, boy! As for my.. read moreSo you've got the idea of an end, but you're clueless about the beginning. Way to go, boy! As for my idea, I first need to know exactly what we're writing: poem, story, chapter, blah, blah, blah ...
9 Years Ago
story, with (hopefully loads of not too long, not too short chapters.)
9 Years Ago
and i do have ideas for beginning...
9 Years Ago
Oooooh....Now, let's start with the genre. What exactly are you thinking? (Just a gist; not the whol.. read moreOooooh....Now, let's start with the genre. What exactly are you thinking? (Just a gist; not the whole stuff).
9 Years Ago
zombie plague. short enough?
9 Years Ago
I'd say a two-word idea IS short enough. Zombies ... Hmm. Need to read some of that stuff, now; neve.. read moreI'd say a two-word idea IS short enough. Zombies ... Hmm. Need to read some of that stuff, now; never much of a fan of those brain-eating clowns.
9 Years Ago
i know all bout em.
9 Years Ago
I'll be back later...
9 Years Ago
Okay, Terminator. Be back.
9 Years Ago
Im back. just been on the phone with my boyfriend. okay, now back at tha story...
9 Years Ago
ZOMBIE PLAGUE ALERT!!!!!!!!!
9 Years Ago
BTW (Yay! I'm using acronyms! You've officially ruined me), shouldn't we discuss this through messag.. read moreBTW (Yay! I'm using acronyms! You've officially ruined me), shouldn't we discuss this through messages, instead of comments? Just wonderin'.
I love this piece. Thought invoking and inspirational.
A.myriad of reflection that says... you are not alone in these same thoughts. Thank you for sharing
bill
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank you for those kind words, Bill. They really mean a lot.
Beautifully written directions for so many that are lost within there own mind. And truly the image we see is not always the image others see. Great work.
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank you so much for your heartfelt, kind words. I'm grateful that you took the time to read it; it.. read moreThank you so much for your heartfelt, kind words. I'm grateful that you took the time to read it; it means a lot.
Honey once again i adore your piece.
Suggeztion...there are a couple lines that lose the rhyme..
I use intermittent rhyme a lot..but its scattered and only when there is no other pattern. There is a pattern here..i would stick to it..
But thsts no biggie...did not keep me from loving this clever piece of philosophic poetry! Well done!
And i love the end that has a hopeful and empowering end⭐💗
Good for you mih darlin Mistress Hope.
Love and wishes of empowerment...
Calamity of Jennifer
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank you so much, Jennifer! It always feels good to know how I can improve my writing, even if it's.. read moreThank you so much, Jennifer! It always feels good to know how I can improve my writing, even if it's not a biggie; details should be paid attention to. I'll try to keep to the rhyme the next time I write a patterned piece like this. Thank you so much for your helpful review :)
Very powerful poem, my favourite bit is
"Have you seen your reflection under a clear blue sky,
And wondered: Is it the reflection that is obscured, or, am I?
Have you counted the steps to your home,
And found you are a bit further away than you were a moment ago?"
I love these line, I can relate to the feeling behind the words, when you cannot figure out if you are broken or not. Brilliantly done, keep writing! X
In my opinion, this poem focuses on presenting the ugly truth of the lives of most people who concentrate on their appearance and forget what really matters which is their essence. This poem is really good and full of thought provoking questions. Thank you for sharing.
Insight.
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank you, Insight, for taking the time to read it.