Housekeeping Help

A Story by SallyBee

If you've ever felt like the chief bottle washer in your family then you'll most definitely connect with this plea for help in the household chores department.

Dear family,

This may come as a bit of a surprise to you but I would like to enjoy my weekend as well. Due to mostly underwhelming support in the household chores arena I have put a survival kit together in case you need some assistance.

1. WASHING
• The spot on the floor right next to the wash basket is not for clothes, towels etc. To operate the wash basket:
a. Firmly grasp the handle on the top (lid) and remove in an upward motion.
b. Bend and pick up clothes.
c. Deposit clothes inside the container.
d. Replace lid.

2. DISHES
• The counter in the kitchen to the left of the door is not for dirty dishes - the correct location for such is two meters ahead, down three steps and to the left.
• The large silver thingy is called a sink - this is where dishwashing takes place. To operate this equipment:
a. Place the black stopper (plug) into the hole found in the bottom right of the basin.
b. Rotate the spikey wheel thingies on the top of each tap by turning left - this will result in water entering the basin.
c. Add a squirt of dishwashing liquid (that green stuff in a bottle just above the sink).
d. Repeat for the “rinse” basin but do not add the green stuff.
e. Rotate spikey thingies to the right to turn the water off.
f. Using the yellow sponge, preferably the green side, remove muck from cutlery, crockery and glassware. Please be sure to start with glassware first.
g. Rinse and place on the drying rack.

3. FOOD
• When you have finished using something, please place back where it was found.
• Wipe counter top - there is a green cloth that is fabulous for this job and works way better than a hand.
• This can be found by the basin (see above).

4. LIGHTS
• The switch used to operate the lighting has two modes - ON and OFF. You are forgiven for thinking that they switch themselves off each time you exit a room where you have switched them on, but that would have been me… You know, the person responsible for paying the electricity bill.

5. AIRCONDITIONER
• Please ensure that if you are leaving the room for a short period you close the door. Each unit in the house is just that - a UNIT. There is a rather large difference between UNIT and DUCTED. One piddly airconditioner will not cool the whole house down if you leave the door open, and neither will it cool the room that it is intended for effectively. To operate the door:
a. Place hand on door knob and pull if exiting the room or
b. Pull on entering the room - it really is as simple as that.
• If you’re leaving the room for an extended period, please switch the aircon OFF. Although this is the opposite of ON, the process is simplified in that there is only one button for ON and OFF and, since you managed to turn it ON, I have full faith in you that you will be able to turn it OFF.

I love you loads and look forward to a fabulously restful weekend x