The Song of My Family's Old Days

 

 

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Leaning on my brother's shoulder
my sister playing with my hair
Mom complaining about the weather
and dad driving far somewhere
I close my eyes and wonder
if heaven could be ever elsewhere
and now as i grow older
i know i was so right there

could never ever live happily
unless I'm there between my family

time never stops changing
we lost the spirit with aging

mom now never complains
my dad no more would drive
my sister left with her husband
and every year at the airport
i await my brother to arrive

and i know
I could never ever live happily
unless I'm there between my family

I set here alone crying
where went those days
if only I was still a little kid
i wouldn't have been now dying
Because sister could cheer me many ways
my brother could take me for a walk
i would sleep in my parents room
so come on ..somebody tell me please
where went those days

I could never ever live happily
unless I'm there between my family

now nothing feels the same
when I close my eyes
I only feel lost and pain

I don't mind everything changing over
never mind to leave this life forever

I only wish over and over
to have the chance to go to those days
shall i scream and shout ?
shall I cry out loud?
to live just one day happily
like the old ones with my family

Reviews

[Gordon]

Nice job! I could feel your pain in your words. I think this poem reminds the reader that growing up isn't exactly as advertised. When we were kids we thought life would be so much more easy when we grew up. When my son talks about being anxious for a birthday to get here, even if it's 6 months away, I try to explain to him not to hurry such events. Live in the now or you'll miss it somehow.

There are a few edit suggestions for your piece. Suggestions in ( )

Mom complaining the weather (Mom complaining about the weather)
and as i grow now older (and now as I grow older)
I don't mind everything change over (I don't mind everything changing over)
if only I'm still a little kid (if only I was still a little kid)
i wait my brother to arrive (I await my brother to arrive)
I set here alone crying (I sit here alone crying)

Edit those lines and I think you have a definate keeper here. Thanks for sharing and call your family!

[!!..Love..!!]

This poems needs a quick editing but the plot is nice and I agree with Gordon about the depth in it, Great work

[Alasse Fefalas]

This poem so reminds me of how much I don't want to grow up. I can feel the pain and loneliness in your words. I like the way the repetitive lines bring emphasis in the whole poem. Good job!

[Gaiamethod]

I know exactly how you feel! There are aspects of my life which I wish I could go back to, to change somehow. But I can't.
This is a very good write and expresses these longings very well. It nearly has a rhythm of a song.
Well done.