First Love

Dedicated to my love...

Your charm is so delicious that
every customer would try to try you,
Hopefully I have faith that
they will only get bye from you.

The way you used to treat me
Shows like you won't ever cheat me.
Your love and care towards me
Always promises how nice you will be.

You are the one who promised to make
my life happiest ever,
Without caring the world you will leave
my company never.

In the form of love, God has gifted me
the best part of my life,
Stay alert Me. Right, may this girl would be
one day your wife.

I"ll always remember you as
The beautiful part of mine,
As an unforgettable diamond moment ,
You will always shine.

I"ll be your if and only God would
want us to be
Whatever will happen, accept but
please don't forget me.'-

Reviews

[M P Ramesh]

sakshi,

It is for the future humans strive for with all actions...
the writers do explore the inside mechanism of these actions as above

good attempt indeed.......
.carry on...........
No body can forget a genuine touch, it is encrypted on universe

mp
mp

[Sakshi]

Thnx M P Ramesh.. I am glad to hear such appreciation.. Thanks a lot..

[noahbrockk]

Apart from the last review, the brst advice I can give is establish the relationship more clearly. You make it seep as this person is new but also like the love has been there forever. If that is the case make it more clear. Although I did think it was very beautiful. The portrayal of the newfound feeling was felt well from my pov. Good luck ans great job

[Sakshi]

Thank you so much ... N Thnx for your suggestions too.. 😊

[Saumya]

This is a very innocent and pious kind of love story, that is enriched with hopes for the future with the person and much more :) I don't exactly know, but reading your poem gave me the feeling that it's like a very new and fresh bonding with the person, where there's still a lot to be known and understood. All in all, Nice work :) you've been successfully in conveying that feeling of being in love.

As from the grammatical point of view, I feel there's still a lot of corrections to be done.Plus, your word usage in some places isn't appropriate, and maybe you 'd better change them, to define this piece.

Here are the following words, I thought weren't apt.
*Customer (1st stanza, second line)
*Bye( a bye, or byes maybe)

2nd stanza:
Shows...Me (2nd line)
Should be, "shows you won't ever cheat on me".

3rd stanza:
You were...(1st & second line)

Should be "You promised to make my life...

There are still many corrections to be done, but I feel you'll do that better, afterall it's 'your poem' Sakshi😊😊

Happy writing!

[Sakshi]

Thnx soumya for your suggestions.. Nd yes.. You r true at that this is my first feeling of love that I moulded into poetry.. Nd thank god.. It's showing.. 😊

[Saumya]

You're welcome, Sakshi.