Midnight Crossroads

When standing at a crossroads,
In the middle of the night,
I try to think of many things
That could maybe make things right.

As I sit here and I stare
At the decisions passing by
The events that led up to this
Replay in my mind's eye.

I see the times we sat and laughed
At really stupid things.
But now I sit here by myself and cry
From all the memories this brings.

I can't remember what I did
To make things be this way,
But I do know that if I hadn't
I wouldn't be right here today.

I wouldn't see these decisions
And the consequences to follow
Because the choices that I end up making
Could leave so many hollow.

If it hadn't been for you
I could still be an empty shell.
But because of all the good things we were
Now my life's a living hell.

I really wish I could go back
To make this all be right
But there is no U-Turn option here
At the crossroads in the night.

I can only make a few decisions
Leading from this place.
They all lead forward now because
Of the things I can't erase.

This one path that's on my left
Leaves so many deserted.
And that's not fair to anyone
Especially those that don't deserve it.

The one going to the right
Leaves me hollow inside,
I'll lose the last things in my world
That gave me a place to hide.

To hide from all the misery,
The hatred and the pain
A place where I had something
I may never feel again.

The only option left to me,
Since I can't go back,
Is the one that hurts the most to all
Because of the joy it lacks.

This is the one where I move on
And keep living out my days
It seems like moving forward though
It's really just a maze.

I'll be here again,
Over and over I'll see
The crossroads coming up ahead
To take a hold of me.

I need to get away from here,
To leave this all behind,
To put aside the memories...
But I'm afraid to go on blind.

And so standing at the crossroads
I've seen so many times before,
I know I can only go on
And feel this pain some more.

Author's Note

I think that everyone has been at some form of crossroads in their life. Every person understands what it feels like to have the weight of their destiny riding on a chance, or a choice.
Written June 5th, 2004.