Eliciting Impasse

Not actually a poem, just a little image that popped into my head. I'm not sure what to do with it.

I see him there in the coffee shop, sitting alone, looking to no one for companionship.

In his hands, he holds a file, and his fingernails are being ground away after being sharpened--

and he won't stop; he won't be assuaged; he doesn't pause from his task of loneliness

Working that file until his fingers are stubs,

and his eyes are black holes in his face,

screaming for company, yet frightening and aggressive, dark derangement,

and I walk by, unblinking, scared of inciting his desperate dismay,

yet wishing to make it go away.

Reviews

[Just me]

Wow, this actually put chills up my spine. Very spooky, I was sort of holding my breath until it finished. It's like being entranced, feeling a sense of responsibility but not wanting to put yourself in harms way at least that's what this made me feel.

[Amanda Granger]

Thank you! I'm glad it elicited the appropriate response. That's exactly how I imagined it too. :)

[clairekeown25]

these moments always stay with you after, you have described my exact emotions in that situation, i love this

[Amanda Granger]

Thank you very much; I agree, they definitely do. I'm glad you liked it. :)

[Wolfwind]

This was really good! It's rich imagery took me right into that moment. I love how you added the man's nervousnous, shown by the constant filing of the nails. This could be the start of some chilling tale or the like!

It also reminded me of times where I've seen those oddities of people in public places, where they just make you wonder what's going on in their mind. It seems that each one sends off their own unique set of energies that we pick up on some deep level. Some cause a twinge of fear, others a since of mirth, or concern.

A wonderful flow of thought you cooked up here! =)

Aaron

[Amanda Granger]

Definitely true about the energies people give off. Some people make me want to get to know them because they seem to have this similar energy or a positive way of carrying themselves. Other people, like the subject of this poem, catch my attention because of how powerful the negative energy they let off is, how it grabs your attention and punches you in the gut, yet a part of you wants to help them, even if you don't know how. It's a really strange, subtle thing, those sorts of vibes, and most of it is subconscious. Thanks for the great, thoughtful review. :) I might have to go forward with this or write something to complement it now that people have me thinking about it, hmmm....

[Wolfwind]

You should! =) I know that it will be fun to read, you've got one of those really creative auras.

[Michael Kevin Spencer]

That could have been me that you saw, but I probably would have looked at you with dreamy yearning for I-don't-know-what.

I tend to be pretty introverted in coffee shops, maybe my files have something to do with it :P

Neat concept for a poem though, I like the paragraph format.

[Amanda Granger]

Is it weird that it only just occured to me that filing your nails in a coffee shop would not only be strange/creepy but extremely inappropriate? I mean, I suppose you could file your nails anywhere...but when this popped in my head, that didn't even cross my mind, not until just now. xD But then again, I guess that's the point hehe. It wouldn't fit.

Haha. Thanks for the review! :)

[Michael Kevin Spencer]

I have to say though, people watching is good for literature, at least if you write the kind of literature that is about people! Not sure but I've overheard a ton of creepy convos at my hang out lol

[Amanda Granger]

Heh, people do do some strange things in public. I have a habit of eavesdropping (somewhat unintentionally...mostly out of curiosity/boredom), and I've overheard some weird/awkward stuff myself. I agree; people watching is a fun supplement for writing, and just being observant in general can be interesting, all the little quirks you pick up on...

[creativequill]

This was excellent, it portrays that consant mindset people have adapted...wanting the world to be better but too afraid to approach something and make a change. The writing was fantastic and powerful, nice work.

[Amanda Granger]

Thank you so much for the nice feedback. :)

[creativequill]

Certainly

[Antonio Valentino]

the characters in our dreams are often personifications of ourselves.. this could be the concern of whittling away oportunities that prevent you from grasping, happiness or peace.. making one blind to the possibilities that are right in front of them..

yes, that can certainly be scary, in dream and in life..

okay that will be $150.00 for the session, thanks for stopping by

haha

next time, grab that file from, him/her, and place your eyes into theirs..

the sooner we embrace our fears, as well as our mistakes, the faster we realize that they are there, to help us learn from them..

waww.. now see what your, little image, just did?

that's a pretty good sign that your, sub conscious, at least knew what to do with it. all along..

this was great

Antonio

[Amanda Granger]

You know, that's a really great take on it. In fact, I really like that interpretation, because it certainly fits and probably did have a lot to do with what was on my mind when the image came to me... GAH, the people on this site know me better than I know myself! :P Or close enough, but I think it just has to do with being perceptive and insightful--which your review definitely was. Sorry, though, you'll have to put that fee on my tab haha.

I guess this wasn't nonsense after all. Thanks, Antonio! :D

[Antonio Valentino]

dont worry about the fee.. just continue to be you, and that is payment enough..

GAH.. i like that haha :)

[Jimi Brady]

I really love this, Amanda. It's a lot different from your other works. I like how it's sort-of-half-prose-half-poetry-kinda, and it works really well. It definitely conjures a disturbing image, and I understand the sentiment and plight of the speaker. The rhyming in the last two lines (the ones I know you added recently) really bring closure to it. I'd love to see you write a short story like this. :D

[Amanda Granger]

Hmmmm a short story...that would be really cool. I think I might have to do some writing tonight ^_^ Thank you so much, love. I'm really glad you like it. The last couple lines just came to me, but I feel like they do wrap it up pretty well--I'm glad you agree.

[MOON]

Lovely write , deep thoughts , you expressed his loneliness so well. Our ability to look away even though we feel their pain.

[Amanda Granger]

Thank you so much. :)

[sithlordjp]

This is excellent... To be stuck in a never ending instant. How helpless we feel in changing suffreing in others. Love the distant interaction (or rather lack of) between the two characters. Love the repetition of sorts in the companionship/company... bouncing like a far away echo that can never reach its goal... Love it.

[Amanda Granger]

Lovely reading, thank you so much! I love reading the interpretations of others, and I think this pretty much hits the mark. There's this desire I feel sometimes to say kind words to strangers who I can tell obviously are going through a hard time, but at the same time I'm afraid to approach them (this is kind of in tangent to this poem, since I'm actually describing something a little different, but I think I might write something more in this vein next). There is a sort of hopelessness to it. I hadn't considered the echo, but that's definitely what I was striving for. ^^

[sithlordjp]

You're welcome, and I totally agree with you, the need to interact, vs. the fear to see that open hand being slapped away... "I think I might write something more in this vein next" Please do, would love to read it!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wow, wow, wow!

what a moment you created here...that person longing for company, exhibiting a lonliness which as you so aptly put it...could not be "assuaged"--

two things working here...this is like passing the bum on the street because he looks too dangerous...but also passing the possible love on the street or in the cafe or wherever because he looks too dangerous...

i met one of my exes this way...and as soon as i saw her, and she looked at me...there was danger, i could feel it...

ended up that maybe i should not have ignored the signs.

i like your poetry much.

it is smart, insightful and natural in its rhythm...

[Amanda Granger]

Thank you for the awesome, insightful review! Reading that really made my night. You interpretted it perfectly. I have often been sucked into bad situations because I felt almost allured by the darkness and needs of other people that they may have been too prideful to admit. Some people do just give off a vibe, and it can be so hard to stick to your gut and keep walking. I'm so glad you liked it. :)