The Well-Meaning Parent

A story about a well-meaning, but rather annoying, parent.

The Well-Meaning Parent

 

The Well-Meaning Parent, in this story named Cortana, walked to her nearest GameStop. She was rather short, with light brown hair and eyes of the same color. She had a pleasant face and a well-mannered and kindly air about her. Wondering what game she was supposed to get again, she looked at the slip of paper her son had given to her to remind her. "Gears of War 2! PLEASE! Don't listen to anything anyone says! It's a good game!"

So Cortana walked into the GameStop and came upon a fresh-faced young clerk named, according to his tag, "Eugene." He had brown hair that screamed "Mom's hairdo" in a loud, resonating voice, and his mud brown eyes darted everywhere. The youth opened his mouth but nothing came out except small squeaking sounds. He whipped out a piece of paper and read in a squeaky voice, "Welcome to GameStop, sir or ma'am. How are you today?"

Cortana smiled and said, "Why, very good, thank you. How about you?"

"What?" Eugene squeaked. "I mean, um, well, I'm fine and all. Now," he said, once again reading from his paper, "how may I help you today?"

"Hello, i'm here to buy the game...erm...Gears of War 2 for my son."

Once again, Eugene opened his mouth but nothing came out. He then took out a different piece of paper. "May I ask," he said shakily, "how old your son is?"

"He's thirteen," Cortana said proudly.

"Then," said Eugene, gulping audibly, "I am legally required to inform you that Gears of War 2 has been rated M for Mature for blood and gore, intense violence, and strong language. Sir or ma'am."

Cortana tutted to herself. "Well, that won't do at all. I don't want my Foofie getting nightmares! Now, let's see here, what other games do you have?"

A half-hour later, Cortana walked in the door. Her son rushed up and said, "Mom, Mom, did you get Gears? Did you?"

Cortana tutted again and said, "Honey, that game was made for people older than you. It has so many things that young eyes shouldn't see. I didn't want you to get nightmares!"

Her son groaned. "Well, what did you get me?"

"Well," Cortana said, "it still has the same acronym--Giggly Ol' Wubbles! It's a game about these cute little fuzzy creatures, and you score points by tickling them, telling them cute little E-rated jokes, anything to get them to giggle! Isn't it wonderful?"

"Shoot me," groaned the son. "Kill me right now."

 

End.

Author's Note

I took the idea, to be exact, from GamePro magazine. What do you think?

Reviews

[Ashleigh]

Haha, it's a cute story. The mother doesn't seem very believable, though. She almost seems like the typical 50's housewife with the house dress and apron, if you know what I mean? I'd suggest making her sound a little more modern.

I love your characterization of the clerk at the store. It's obvious he's new there and has been trained to speak to the customers from a script; he gets confused when the customers ask him questions that don't have an answer on his cue-cards, which is seen when the mother asks him how he is and he fumbles for the right answer. That was very clever and I enjoyed it immensely.

The beginning narration is a little rough to me. Instead of just saying the mother's name is Cortana, you talk about naming her that because it's from your favourite video game (if you really are writing about your own mother, your readers don't need to know that unless you were to write the entire story in first-person narrative). When you're writing a story about a character who is not yourself, making references to yourself as the author within the story distracts the readers from the story and makes them much too aware that they are simply reading what you wrote, rather than being immersed in the story itself. Unless you're writing an autobiography, you never want your readers to be focused on you; you want them to be focused on your characters and their lives. You as the author should remain invisible in the minds of the readers at all times.

Also, in short stories, you should never write anything that is not related to the plot, because there simply is not enough space to include it. Heavy characterization and "filler" as some people call it are far better suited to novels and novellas. I would suggest eliminating the part about the mother's glee at having walked rather than driven, because it just isn't relevant to the rest of the story.

Other than that, I would proof-read it again; there are a few grammatical errors that can be easily fixed. I would also add a little more detail to allow readers to visualize the story within their minds. What does Cortana look like? What does the clerk look like? What does Cortana see when she walks into the store in terms of surroundings? Be sure to make these details mesh with the rest of your story as though it was meant to be there. Readers never want to feel as though the author cut and pasted a paragraph into his or her story.

Please don't be discouraged about my comments. I think it's wonderful that you are branching off from poetry and are trying your hand at fictional narrative. I definitely encourage you to keep at it, while taking my suggestions into consideration.