When You Grow Up

I'm asking you--what do you want to be when you grow up?

When You Grow Up

 

I think I know what I will do

When I become eighteen,

But now it's your turn; I ask you

Toward which career you lean.

Will you become a kindly vet,

Helping pets who are sick,

Or will you be a magician

On the stage, doing tricks.

One time while watching Spike TV

Extremely late at night,

I saw something that made me laugh

It was a puzzling sight.

Girls Gone Wild "Finally Eighteen!"

I laugh as I recall,

The censored b***s of these poor girls

Who have no life at all.

These foolish girls seemed so happy

To show off what was theirs,

But what I don't understand is

Why all these girls were there.

What girl looks to her Mom and says,

"Mommy, when I get old,

"I want to be on Girls Gone Wild

"I want to be so bold!"

So please, ladies, take my advice

Be a teacher or vet

Don't go on that show Girl's Gone Wild

And be somebody's pet.

Reviews

[Ashleigh]

Although there are a few structural issues with this poem, I need to start off by saying thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sending this message out to young girls everywhere who are battling peer pressure and low self-esteem. Reading something like this tells them that they can be something far greater than a sex object for others. They can achieve outstanding goals if they can only break away from the mould that Hollywood and the media is trying to force them into. I truly love this poem.

That aside, I think there are some awkward syllable counts; these can always be easily fixed.

You seem to have an "eight syllable, seven syllable, eight syllable..." pattern going, but part-way through the poem, it suddenly switches to a "eight syllable, six syllable, eight syllable..." pattern, which is a little awkward to read aloud (after all, poetry was originally meant to be performed, not read; that's why flow and rhythm are both so important for the creation of poetry).

I would suggest making the entire piece consistent; either stick with your original eight, seven, eight pattern, or change the poem to the eight, six, eight pattern you change to part-way through.

Please don't let that criticism discourage you. I can't stress enough how lovely this poem is and what an important message it sends out to young females struggling to find themselves in today's materialistic, sex-driven world.