The Transitions Through Life

This is a story of a transition through life.

I thought that I could never love again. I honestly thought that I could never get over him. My brain could not articulate the thought of another person, another guy holding me in his arms. I could not imagine the thought of him with that w***e of a girl. But he is. It hurt every single time I heard about him. It ripped my heart out to see them happy together. It killed me to know that the girl in his eyes is no longer me. I am done with this life that is no longer able to revolve around him.

 

I think that I can love again, it will just take some time. I have finally gotten over him. My brain finally can handle the thought of another man holding me in his arms. I am now able to tolerate the thought of him with that one girl. Just don't mention details about him and I can deal with it. My heart is merely hiding when I see them happy together. It only stings a little to know that the girl in his eyes is no longer me. My life is in a transition to move to my own self again.

I still can't love yet, but love can hit me at any time. He is no longer in my head so often, maybe once a week or so. I can't wait for the feeling of being held in a man's arms, a man I adore. I am glad that he and she are happy together. I still don't need nor want to know details about them. When I see them happy together, my heart still pangs a little, but that's normal, isn't it? I am happy to know that the girl in his eyes is so good to him. My life is almost my own again.

 

I'm not worried about love. It will hit me when it hits me. I almost never think about him, maybe once a month or so. I am finally getting to be held in a great guy's arms, of a guy I absolutely adore. If they are happy together that's great for them. I don't know anything about them nor do I care anymore. When I see them happy together, I really have no feelings towards them. If the girl in his eyes is great to him, I wouldn't know. My life is completely my own again.

 

I might be in love again, but I am not sure yet. I never think about him anymore, maybe once a year or so. I am loving being caressed and held in my adorable guy's arms, a guy I want to be with for a very long time. They are happy? Good for them. I don't hear about them anymore. If I see them together, I wouldn't know. They are just other people. The girl in his eyes is perfect to him? That's great for him. My life without him is so great.

 

I am in love again. It feels so great. I don't ever think about him, only if somebody mentions him every several years or so. I am so happy that I am wearing this ring and I am in my new fiance's arms, a guy I will be with for the rest of my life. They are happy? That's awesome for them. I am happy too. If I see them together, I will probably show them my ring; if I recognize them, that is. The girl in his eyes is amazing to him? That's great! So is the guy in my eyes. I am going to be sharing my life with my man for the rest of my life.

 

I am in love. It is so amazing. I invited him to my wedding that is today. He looks so different. I am nervous about walking down the aisle. What if I trip? I see the smile of the guy I am going to be with for the rest of my life. They broke up, you know. She killed herself because of it. He is so sad. I feel bad for him. I will never see them together in passing, but I might see just him once in awhile. I showed him my wedding dress when I saw him today. I saw the sad jealousness in his eyes. But as I walk down the aisle, all I can see is my guy. I am about to share the rest of my life with my man.

 

I am still in love, and I love it so much. He died in a car crash. I went to his funeral. Suicide, they said. The day after my wedding. He wrote he couldn't live seeing me with somebody else and he hopes I am happy with my new life. Well, his wish came true. I am happy. I am happy I am with this guy for the rest of my life and I have three wonderful kids. My first-born is named after you, my first love. His first name is yours. His middle name is named after you too. My other two kids are named after what we planned to be our kid's names, if we ever got married. Zachariah Azrial and Eve Gabriela. They are in remembrance to you. I am so happy with my guy. He is the guy that shines in my eyes the brightest. My life is my man, the guy I am spending the rest of my life with and am growing old with.

 

I am still growing older, and I am still in love. I am still happily married and my kids are growing up. Are you watching us from the sky? They are such good kids. My first-born is going to get married soon. I am so proud of him. He is with such a wonderful girl. Did you choose her just for him? I wonder sometimes. Zack has a nice girlfriend too. Eve is just her. They are so tall and I make fun of them all the time. My husband is in the hospital right now. Nobody knows what is wrong with him. I am so happy with him. Please don't take him away, out of spite of me. I love him so much. He is my world and my life. Consider my kids please. Imagine how they will be without a father, a good father in their lives. Eve is about to graduate high school, My first born is about to get married, and Zack is about to graduate college. Please don't kill my loving husband yet. He is my life, my world.

 

You killed him. I loved him so much and you killed him. At least you let him see my first-born getting married and all that stuff. I have a grandchild coming. It's going to be a girl. They are naming her Sage. Isn't that sweet? They are naming their daughter after me. Zack is getting married soon. his fiance's name is Carletta. Why did you do that? I can never get away from remembering you, can I? Eve has a boyfriend, and they are talking about marriage now. She is a lawyer. A lawyer! Can you believe it? My life is revolved around my kids.

 

I love my kids so much. I am so happy they were yours. What am I thinking? They weren't yours! I must be getting old. I can't remember things as well as I used to. It's always hard to remember things straight when you keep telling me  things in my head. Our kids have grown so much. Its amazing how I used to be that young and happy. I am so glad you have been by me the whole time. Wait, you weren't there. Get out of my head! What was I thinking? I need to tell my... What are you talking about? I don't have a doctor! Go away! My life is all in my head.

 

Who are these young folks coming to visit me? This young one looks like me when I was younger. Is she really me? She has my name. I don't need you to tell me anything! You need to get out of my head! I miss you too. I want to be with you too. No I won't join you yet! I will join you in a natural way! When my time comes! GO AWAY! I don't want you to keep telling me things that aren't true! GO AWAY!

 

What do you want now? Yes, I do want to visit you. You mean these pills? This water too? Yeah I am home. Yes nobody is in the house with me tonight. All of them? But i will puke them all. It works one at a time? Ok. I love you too. I will see you soon. Ok. Will you stay out of my head? Thank you. Ok. Goodnight. 

Author's Note

This is a story that has a wierd flow. It may seem choppy and going off topic, but you will see why. Be a good critique to me please!

Reviews

[Joel McCarthy]

What you've done in twelve or so paragraphs, most people can't get to in 30,000 words. You've demonstrated a life, quickly, but it didn't feel rushed. I didn't find it "choppy" or irrelevant either, actually very easy to follow, and I think that is due in part to it being written in the first person. I think you should experiment with more unconventional prose in the future, and even if it seems to have a "weird flow" at first, I'm sure you'll find your words will take on unique and interesting characteristics. It's all part of finding your own voice as a writer. Good writing.

[An owl on the moon]

You captured my attention with the flow of thoughts, moving through time and space. And yes, your ending brought about the culmination of these thoughts brilliantly! Excellent write!