Perished

“To alleviate is to necessity as to breathe is to survive...”

~ Myself

Wounded by our peers but most of all our valued loved ones. Why? What comes over our consciousness to make these rash decisions? Or are we conscious at all? We dare venture down those paths that should be forbidden to seek possibility, though it's unsure of what that possibility might be.

I, myself have ventured down that spiraled and twisted path; seeing every sign which screamed at me to turn back. But of course that didn't hinder my on growing curiosity. I knew well of my actions, both consciously and subconsciously. I knew that I'd bring pain to those I loved so dearly, that should have hindered me to not venture farther but it was as if my body was moving against my will while my raging thoughts processed every possible outcome. I could see the wreckage from a mile away, and I knew that battle would be lost before I could pick up the gun and pull the trigger.

Soon after that, the heartache commenced like labyrinth of betrayal. There was no going back, no reset button. The regret was overwhelming as I asked myself; why? What led me down that path in the first place? It definitely wasn't purposeful to cause such pain, nor was it accidental, just the nagging curiosity that needed to be silenced. Punishment seemed suitable in all aspects, commanding me to run and never look back though even when I tried, he held on, assuring me that it will all be okay.

Months later remission seemed at it's best, but all was spoken too soon, too soon for the both of us to hold on to remission. Wounds which were at the start of alleviation begun twisting itself into a disoriented figure that stood between us. The past seemed to define the relationship, a game of tug o' war if you will. Minds and hearts overwhelmed with misery as brittle bones struggle to find balance on weak backs. Recognition, I am that disoriented figure, manifesting itself to create more destruction.

It was then I knew the time had come to let it all go. The pain had taken a toll on us both, while hope tried to hold us together. It was only a matter of time before we couldn't bare the site of each other anymore. Trying to mend what can't be fixed. All was too much, all was too late, all is perished.