The look on your face.

Inspired by someone who lives with me.

Clay hands, crafting-

shaping. 365 days,

my first electric shock

that look on your face.

 

Floating, crumpled

bed sheets- shaped

to the bone. Crafted,

second electric shock

I miss the way you talk.

 

Your tounge rolled up,

I sleep inside. Shaped

to this song. Crafted

misery,

third electric shock

I miss the way you talk

Fourth electric shock

the look on your face,

fitth electric shock

I miss the way you talk.

Author's Note

Probably alot of grammer problems. This is close to home so think shaky voices.

Reviews

[Charles D. Moorer]

Some un solicited advice, respect the craft enough to check your spelling. Buy a book of poetry terms. It will help.

Regarding the poem, it is nice and the sincerity comes through, so too does the longing and loss.

grammar

a lot (two words)

[Vertigo]

amazing

Well, by reading this, I would say that you were incredibly inspired by a particular someone.
Have you showed this write to them? it'd say a lot, I think.
"I miss the way you talk"

Sometimes things have to change, and even if they change for the better, you tend to miss the way everything used to be. I miss the way my best friend/boyfriend used to talk and tease each other and just mess around with each other and have fun, back on this site in June, before we got together. It's like leaving home, in a way.

Brilliant write.

[Jeff Miller]

Excellent write, it seems to be written fast paced. It's delivered excellently!

[Jasmine]

this is really well written..i love the way you have punctuated the lines with "first/ second etc electric shock" really nice :) x
(p.s. thanks for the review!)