The Vampiress

First part is writen by myself. Second part is written by a dear freind of mine :) Feel free to constructively critisize it to the death.

Vampiress

Hide in the dark,
Where no one can see,
Hide behind shadows what shouldent be.
Her life is wrong,
A sad song,
a pale girl,
whose midnight stare,
is hidden behind her pitch black hair.
White lips that never smile.
She lived threw her own exile.
In the dark amongst her fears,
Her eyes hold crimson tears.
But she must stay,
in the dark,
far away.
Where no one will find her.
She can not sleep,
so forever she is damned to weep

-------
The Kiss of the Vampiress

The moon and stars
cast shadows on the ground.
There she stood waiting,
just aching to be found.

Her sultry movement,
caught my glance.
I went to her side,
as she began her dance.

Her touch was like ice,
but her breath was hot,
She brushed her lips to mine,
then as lovers we became entwined.

She entranced me with her gaze,
and I was in her spell,
Little did I know
I was about to enter hell.

I followed her willingly,
as she pulled to embrace.
Her lips kissed my neck,
with such beauty and grace.

She lingered with a satisfaction,
I fell to my knees,
like a reaction.

I awoke from my dream,
but it was to late.
I fell to the ground,
now knowing my fate.

My life poured from me,
I took one last glance,
to see her disappear
the one who had me entranced.

I now lay entombed,
hands crossed my chest,
waiting and longing
for my vampiress.
 

Reviews

[Lee E. Powell]

Ok, I really liked these! I think you tapped into their pain with these. And they read really well. I've never written about vampires before, well a short story, but it wasn't a serious piece at all. I may have to try it.

[;]

That was amazing both of them...You described the reactions of the charcters so beautifully..YOu have inspired me to write a poem about Vampires and of course it has to be TRAGIC!