Stars And Galaxies

What do i have that makes me different? Why do i feel so much like an outcast? What is it?

Most people don’t believe in imagination, they call it a conspiracy theory. I used to be like that, when my own imagination was hidden, securely away from the world. Most people don't know this but i have Schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is a chronic and severe mental disorder where i have inappropriate feelings and emotions and i sometimes do the wrong thing etc. Sometimes i just leave this world altogether into a world of my own, a fantasy and a sense of mental fragmentation.

No one knows what it’s like to be lost in a mind of your own, where it’s just you and only you. I guess the hardest part of it all is wanting to be saved but only you can save yourself. I don’t look very much different from other 16 year olds,except i’m scarily obsessed with stars and space. I guess it’s because it’s so simple and so perfect, it’s just there. It’s more than that for me though, I lost my Grandmother and Mother to lung Cancer. It hurt obviously to see them both go through the chemotherapy and the procedures. I lost both of them and i guess i felt like they're stars in my mind, simple yet beautiful but can be gone so suddenly, when you least expect it.

My own condition does limit me and even though i have dreams, i’m not patient, i get frustrated and i just can't help it, i feel like if i don’t get to where i want to be sooner or later everything’s going to fall apart and it will be all my fault.

Everyone has a purpose in life and my goal is to pursue mine, i want to be an astrologer and i’m working harder than ever to get there. We’re not always going to be here, someday we're going to go, i want to leave my mark on the world when i'm gone, I wan't to be known to others for i what i did.

So why do i feel like an outcast?

Author's Note

How's the first chapter so far?