Me

There are many of words you could use to describe me, I don't think you could use the same word twice.

    I know many of people would describe me as a person who would look happy and would have a temper. What would you think if I told you i'm the complete opposite of that? The person hiding inside the shadow is the person that I really am, I am not a person trying to become something that I am not. I know who I am and it is the same person as you see on the outside with some added finishing touches to the cake. Each person has another person inside of them that is the real them, no it isn't a alter ego or a play. It is some things they can't share with anyone else because no one would understand what it is like to be them and people would  judge them. Let me tell you, each person is not exactly how they seem, they aren't lying they just haven't reveled all of them. 

    I know it isn't the best to hide yourself and I know that, but when you have no one all your life what are you supposed to do with yourself. I am the person I am on the outside, it isn't an act. I just have a few extra things that you can view when you make me mad, sad, or upset as a whole. I love to make people happy, I love to make sure everything goes their way even if it shouldn't and it hurts me in the long run. But, I have a side that only comes out when needed. I know that when I get really upset i have a bipolar attack. Yeah, bipolar. Something you can't control even if you wanted to. It's hard to have control over it when it takes over your whole mind. It blocks every sensor for bad and good in your mind and makes you into a zombie that it controls. It doesn't work the way you want it to and it can happen at any moment.

    Bipolar, something I can't control even if I wanted to. I have mental break downs in school and I freak out all the time. I only let my insane show when it is really needed. Oh I think I failed to mention that I also have anxiety problems and it controls me like a ring leader of a circus. This is the real me, someone who has breakouts and can only control myself for a certain period of time before the biggest bomb explodes on everyone. Tell me you wouldn't hide it if you knew no one would understand how you feel and would only judge you. You hide the side of you no one would want to deal with. That's why when you acquire a friend/boyfriend who loves you with it. Don't take it for granted. They will be the people who love you for you forever. 

    Now don't get me wrong I am still a loving person and put every other nut in front of me. They may never ask me how i'm doing or if i'm okay or know the real me, but they are always first in my life. I am still a person you can go to whenever you need me. Yes, it can get a bit annoying when no one cares but at least the people in front of me will know how much I care for them. They mean the world to me. I still have my breakdowns but they are to myself. People don't know what goes inside the black hole of my mind, but I don't mind. Yeah, everyone is a critic but it only matters what you are to yourself. I may not be the same person on the outside but I am the same person always. I'm glad the same two words can't be used to describe me. It makes me who I am and I am proud to be me.

Author's Note

something i have been meaning to say for a while.