HUDDLED FOUR WALLS LIFE

Once a girl run away with her boyfriend but soon she realise that she has sold by another's hand. Now, sadly, she is in redlight

HUDDLED FOUR WALLS LIFE

 

Obviously he is a sign of horribleness

Horrific, devil, drought and so ruthless;

 

Callous, effect less for any implore

Indignation as I face never before.

 

When he comes, my worlds shake

Crumbled my heart with bolt up right

Tether his wish, which he want to make

Futile I am, could not jostle or fight.

 

Harshly roared at my whole surface

Demon ceased my intends and mine crush.

 

All sharp pain graved in my in

How I say, what I say for my pin?

 

My world is now huddled in four walls

No lights, from my misty window

I am poison-ate every day in smalls

No any chum, even, has left my shadow.

 

š•Ë•›

Author's Note

This is my attempt towards the dark poetry so let me know about your thinking. Thank you so much.

Reviews

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

I am poisonate every day in smalls ?

poisonate no such word I think you meant
poison ate or Poisoned. this may help http://dictionary.reference.com/

it helps me. All sharp pain graved in my in. this verse confuses me
did you mean All sharp pain graved in my side or Abdomen or Jabbed in your said
or Innards intestines.


I think this was a very good flow at begging and in the middle parts
but I hope you see this as me being helpful because some of the lines didn't make sense you can use what I shared or do it how you feel but I study something before I post it guess and look up words and meanings
and I am sure it has a flow.

I would work some more on those parts.

but thank you for sharing love it other then the parts that confused me.

I am not good at correcting others poems or mistakes
but it was
a interesting read I hope this hasn't upset you.


Blessings. Kindred poet

[Saddam]

This is good, all suggetion make me better than before. I search dictionary as well but you are right that word is not in dictionary, then I make it for regular poison.
And another verse
All sharp pain graved in my in. It means every pain she bear hard to hard at her body and soul.
Your link I will check that soon.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

Thank you. you're very welcome. blessings. kindred poet

[Jamil Isimbabi]

dark poetry! don't see this too often, good write. :).

[Madalyn Beck]

A dark poem and you have done it well! And I agree with Kindreds edits below. Otherwise, good work!

[Kasey Miriam]

Wonerful job, yove hit the nail on the head for the dark poem

[Saddam]

Thank you so much dear, that means lot for me.

[just Penny]

Strong sentiments in your writing, I could feel the emotion coming through loud and clear. A good effort at dark genre. Well done :)

[Saddam]

Great Thanks to you my friend that you like my work.

[kublakhan27]

I would say you've nailed it...the mood is ominous, the imagery is haunting, and the voice is very real, as is that pesky demon...awesome :)

[Saddam]

Thank you so much dear. Appreciate your every words. Your words made Good impact on me my friend.

[lissalovesyou]

This is such an emotional piece. I was almost blown off my chair by the strong feeling of despair and hopelessness. Keep it up!
lissalovesyou:)

[Saddam]

Thank you very much dear friend. glad you like it

[Arabella Song]

Ooh, very creepy and dark. I liked it :) Ibwas a bit confused by the line, "All sharp pain graved in my in," but that could just be that I don't get it. Great flow :)

[Saddam]

Thank you so much dear. Appreciate your every words.

[William Wapi]

Well, the poem is definitely not saying, "Attempt"...more like, "I've written dark before". It's not bad at all. I like dark poems, invite me when you write your second!

[Saddam]

Thank you so much dear. Appreciate your every words. Oh sure my friend.

[William Wapi]

Well, the poem is definitely not saying, "Attempt"...more like, "I've written dark before". It's not bad at all. I like dark poems, invite me when you write your second!

[Saddam]

Thank you so much dear. Appreciate your every words.