SATIRIC LOVE

SATIRIC LOVE

--SADDAM HUSEN

 

My worlds become as dark as wood

In which, I am alone stood

No lights

No playful moments

No joy

Even little memories;

 

An ember is lightening in heart

It is burning my every thought

It oozing

For my daybreak

An adversary

This is wreck;

 

The dreary moment is spasmodicate me

My blooming roses are now phased gloomily

Banter moment

Accumulating into nerve

Retrogressive over

At satiric love;

 

I am travelling at sharp-cut path

Without having any feelings but sheath

Undiscern being

Tramping around your house

No desires

But only applause�"

 

With God, for you, genuflected hard

Enjoy your happiness and joy: my sweet heart.

 

š•Ë•›

 

©2014 SADDAM HUSEN

Reviews

[Blue]

Having read your previous poems, I noticed that your growth as a writer has become more pronounced. I saw that in the choice of words, in the structure, and even in the content. Although there are parts here which distracted me, I like the poem in its entirety.

Here are some of the things that I'd like to point out:

In which, I am alone stood -> In which I alone stood/ In which I stood alone (But I think it's better if you replace 'stood' with 'stand' because, after all, you used present tense in the piece.)

It oozing -> It's oozing

spasmodicate -> I know nothing about that word, only 'spasmodical'. And in case you'll change the term, you may consider revising the entire line because it's grammatically wrong.

Undiscern being -> Do you intend it to be a verb? Or you mean 'undiscerned being'? I'm still in doubt about this one.

I hope this helps.

[Saddam]

many Thanks to you dear. definitely it will help. Soon as possible I change those all. I am glad that you are not reading but also positive feedback you represent.

[Blue]

I try, you know? This is more helpful this way. Plus, this is a good linguistic exercise for me, too. :)

[Effector Prime]

good on ya Arzeljoy :) and great poem saddam! :)

[Simran Kewlani]

Your poems on love are so strong. They just catch hold of the person reading them. Amazing. (:

[Saddam]

Thank you so much dear. super glad you like it.

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

What a beautiful piece. And such sadness too. It's absolute masterpiece. ^_^

Kaze~

[Saddam]

thank you sooo much dear friend.... Great glad to know your verse. thank you.

[♔ CrownedDevil ☾]

Your very welcome, it was pleasure reading it. ^_^