SATIRIC LOVE

SATIRIC LOVE

--SADDAM HUSEN

 

My worlds become as dark as wood

In which, I am alone stood

No lights

No playful moments

No joy

Even little memories;

 

An ember is lightening in heart

It is burning my every thought

It oozing

For my daybreak

An adversary

This is wreck;

 

The dreary moment is spasmodicate me

My blooming roses are now phased gloomily

Banter moment

Accumulating into nerve

Retrogressive over

At satiric love;

 

I am travelling at sharp-cut path

Without having any feelings but sheath

Undiscern being

Tramping around your house

No desires

But only applause�"

 

With God, for you, genuflected hard

Enjoy your happiness and joy: my sweet heart.

 

š•Ë•›

 

©2014 SADDAM HUSEN

Reviews

[Blue]

Having read your previous poems, I noticed that your growth as a writer has become more pronounced. I saw that in the choice of words, in the structure, and even in the content. Although there are parts here which distracted me, I like the poem in its entirety.

Here are some of the things that I'd like to point out:

In which, I am alone stood -> In which I alone stood/ In which I stood alone (But I think it's better if you replace 'stood' with 'stand' because, after all, you used present tense in the piece.)

It oozing -> It's oozing

spasmodicate -> I know nothing about that word, only 'spasmodical'. And in case you'll change the term, you may consider revising the entire line because it's grammatically wrong.

Undiscern being -> Do you intend it to be a verb? Or you mean 'undiscerned being'? I'm still in doubt about this one.

I hope this helps.

[Saddam]

many Thanks to you dear. definitely it will help. Soon as possible I change those all. I am glad that you are not reading but also positive feedback you represent.

[Blue]

I try, you know? This is more helpful this way. Plus, this is a good linguistic exercise for me, too. :)

[Effector Prime]

good on ya Arzeljoy :) and great poem saddam! :)

[Blood Ink Diary]

Your poem has a superb flow - the emotions cascading rather aptly. Also, the usage of metaphors is balanced. Surely your ink is lovely ! Cheers

[EmilyBianca]

VERY well written! Excellent job!

[Khushi]

Wow!! Nice poem :) I liked the title!!

[Saddam]

Thank you so much dear.

[Ahena MK]

Wonderfully composed ...loved it ....
Ahena :)

[Saddam]

Thank you soooo much dear friend. Very kind words of your dear.

[maria ( rose)]

''SATIRIC LOVE'' is flowing with emotion very well expressed though
Enjoy your happiness and joy: my sweet heart..Thanks for sharing another master piece of your work
maria rose

[Saddam]

Thank you so much. Always happiness to read you dear.

[maria ( rose)]

xx anytime, I enjoy it:))

[Mindolluin]

Very nice using of words, I like this very much!

[Saddam]

Thank you so much dear friend.

[Frieda P]

This one has a taunting bite to it, quite enjoyed the irony and spunk in this one...Arzel already did the corrections, she's so kind, so I'll simply state, go you! Not crazy about the underlining, it's a bit distracting but that's just me.....nice job Ssadd.

[Saddam]

That your state making me crazy. Thank you so much dear.

[writ rajat]

apke poem ne mujhe bahut prabhavit kiya hai esse mere man ko shanti mili

[Saddam]

Sukriya mere dost. Mujhe badi khusi hui.

[Sami Khalil]

You have used lines this time to show new creativity. Strong emotions in this one and powerful sadness...Bravo, sir...:).................

[Saddam]

Thank you so much dear friend.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)................................

[Kasey Miriam]

this was a powerful poem. Very well done. I really enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing.

[Saddam]

Thank you so much dear.

[Kasey Miriam]

you are very welcome