SATIRIC LOVE

SATIRIC LOVE

--SADDAM HUSEN

 

My worlds become as dark as wood

In which, I am alone stood

No lights

No playful moments

No joy

Even little memories;

 

An ember is lightening in heart

It is burning my every thought

It oozing

For my daybreak

An adversary

This is wreck;

 

The dreary moment is spasmodicate me

My blooming roses are now phased gloomily

Banter moment

Accumulating into nerve

Retrogressive over

At satiric love;

 

I am travelling at sharp-cut path

Without having any feelings but sheath

Undiscern being

Tramping around your house

No desires

But only applause�"

 

With God, for you, genuflected hard

Enjoy your happiness and joy: my sweet heart.

 

š•Ë•›

 

©2014 SADDAM HUSEN

Reviews

[Blue]

Having read your previous poems, I noticed that your growth as a writer has become more pronounced. I saw that in the choice of words, in the structure, and even in the content. Although there are parts here which distracted me, I like the poem in its entirety.

Here are some of the things that I'd like to point out:

In which, I am alone stood -> In which I alone stood/ In which I stood alone (But I think it's better if you replace 'stood' with 'stand' because, after all, you used present tense in the piece.)

It oozing -> It's oozing

spasmodicate -> I know nothing about that word, only 'spasmodical'. And in case you'll change the term, you may consider revising the entire line because it's grammatically wrong.

Undiscern being -> Do you intend it to be a verb? Or you mean 'undiscerned being'? I'm still in doubt about this one.

I hope this helps.

[Saddam]

many Thanks to you dear. definitely it will help. Soon as possible I change those all. I am glad that you are not reading but also positive feedback you represent.

[Blue]

I try, you know? This is more helpful this way. Plus, this is a good linguistic exercise for me, too. :)

[Effector Prime]

good on ya Arzeljoy :) and great poem saddam! :)

[Penny]

The last line says it all. The need of freedom and the joy to see the free comes together. Well written. Keep writing.

[star73]

very good i like it its deep in thought.

[BlackRose]

As ArzelJoy said and I will say, there few words in sentences might confuse some others. But hey, it's poetry. I'm not perfect all the time either. Otherwise a really great piece. Flows beautifully, Fab use of words, some brilliantly used. :o)

[Shaquana Adams]

This poem is so lovely. Great flow, admirable word usage. In a word, brilliant!
-QuanaWana

[Saddam]

Thanks a lot dear Poet. Appreciate you.

[Julie Spade]

Wow, such beautiful art I have ever laid my eyes upon. The flow is just priceless ^.^ Keep It Going and request me some more.

[Saddam]

Thank you so so much dear.

[MsJewel]

You continue to grow as a writer. I love the flow of this one and the feelings you create with your poetry... Beautiful my friend.

:) Julie

[Saddam]

Thank you so much my dear Poet.

[Sami Khalil]

Enjoy your happiness and joy: my sweet heart.

[Saddam]

Thank you so much Sir. Always looking forword for your verses. Thanks.

[Sami Khalil]

Me too. You are welcome...:)........................

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

I Agree with Arzel Joy (Blue) also but all
in all this a great poem

I was districted with
I am alone stood,

for me I am not so
good at saying what Arzel Joy (Blue)
said

only thing I see is
satirically that would be
comically amusingly jokingly
I don't think you meant that
type of love



But thank you for sharing my friend. blessings Kindred poet

[00000000000000000000000..]

A lot flow felt some romance in their:) Awesome work.