CINDERELLA

Cinderella was very beautiful in those moments when her Prince was in her arms.

CINDERELLA

                -SADDAM HUSEN

 

Once was a most beautiful but sorrowful soul bella

Talked her only friend, Cat, sited cinders, that’s why Cinderella.

 

After her mother, step mother and sisters play like a puppet

They ridicule and elaborate her, had sleep at façade.

 

In the house, one day, there was harsh for meeting to Ball,

The STEPS were in gorgeous stuffs for Prince at all.

 

Lonely, poor girl Cinderella left for stigmas and weep,

Suddenly a scintillate happened and Fairy appear very quick.

 

Fairy flick her magical stick withal red star in air,

Magic, pumpkin turns into coach, mice into white horse and servant fair.

 

Again flick, Cinderella turns into a Princess with much light,

But Fairy warned Cinderella anyway to be return at midnight.

 

Everyone at Ball praises her beauty and become admirer,

Even Prince fall in love with her and dance in blither.

 

Time rushed quickly and Cinderella forget her promise to Fairy,

With first struck of midnight she reminds and run in hurry.

 

Restless Prince found her sandal which she missed in Ball,

Ministers ordered to search the girl in which love Prince fall.

 

Wandered nights reached at the door of true suitor,

Evils tried as they, but fail to footed magical slipper.

 

Being mocked, again, a flash appeared from somewhere,

Fairy’s magic change Cinderella as she was in Ball,

Princess of Prince was she! Anybody surprisly stare,

Prince come, was very happy, got married Cinderella.

Reviews

[Tori]

There are too many grammar mistakes. You switched from past to present tense often and it seems you're writing more of a summary of the movie, not a poem about it. Also, just look at the last line, "Prince come, was very happy, got married Cinderella." that doesn't fully make sense, it seems as if every line does that.

[Saddam]

Well..thank you so much to read it and indicating my weak. I will make it correct soon. .. Yes that is my hurryness... Thanks dear..

[Tori]

Is English your first language? Because if not, that may explain the several mistakes.

[Saddam]

No, my first language is HINDI.

[Tori]

Again, that explains the mistakes.

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

I love it, I love it. such an awesome poem. Nicely written.

Kaze~ :-)

[SAYED THANGAL]

a good lyric that tells a beautiful story, good

[Saddam]

Thank you sir. I may be add Rapunzel soon, hope you will love that too.

[Chris]

Society needs its Fairy Tales... and we need the "hope" for a positive change in hard, trial-based lives.

The first read aloud told me English was a second language. To get more heart into your verse - perhaps write your thoughts in HINDI then do a rough translation to English and have a friend listen and "see" if your thoughts really kept your intended flavor without losing your emotional impact?

This has the elements of your intent - but the emotional heart was removed.

[Saddam]

Great thanks for your appearance at my side. I really need a friend who frankly point out my short comings. Your review is very constructive for my writing. I'll be kept your suggestion in my mind. Thanks again sir.

[Chris]

It is not about pointing out flaws, it is about strengthening your skills and expressing what you as the author best wants to say.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Nice version of Cinderella. Cute!
What important is you enjoy making this piece. =)

[Saddam]

Thank you very much dear friend. Glad you like my effort.

[Tina Louise UK]

Enjoyed your tale hun...nice piece :) x

[Saddam]

thank you very much dear...

[AYVID N]

A sweet rendition of the legendary fairy tale...Keep writing Ssadd!

[Saddam]

thanks for review my effort...

[Stefanie Holmes]

I liked your spin on the Cinderella fairytale! Everybody loves a happy ending. :)

~Stefanie

[Saddam]

that it is love and loss that led us to
freshly laid dirt and red flowers.

[Frieda P]

You gotta love a happy ending, I like your rendition of this fairytale Ssadd. Love the term, 'and dance in blither' sounds like my kind of dance. ;-)

[Saddam]

This was my dream. I'll every week post a fairytale. Thanks for your compliments.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Happy ever after to Cinderella Ssaad.Cute as kittens this poem my friend :)

[Saddam]

Any body want to finish their story to happy. Thanks for reading.

[Vidya Bacchus]

You are welcome my friend :)