Honestly Broken

A very honest look into my feelings.

I'm broken

I'm insecure

I'm afraid

Reaching for the cure

I hide in isolation

Fearing evaluation

Free from prying eyes

All while reaching to the sky

I'm afraid of conflict

Fear of embarrassment

Afraid to be honest to those;

That look a certain way

I'm afraid to fly

I'm too familiar with falling

Its been beaten into my head

Its not my calling

I've moved forward

Also backward

I've become more hidden

I've become more honest

Its all in who you are to me

As to the key

Take the time to listen

You'll unlock more of me

I'm afraid to love you

You never stop hurting me

I'm afraid to not love you

Soon I'll have nothing left

I'm afraid to see the things I desire

I'm afraid to ask for help

I'm afraid to kill myself

Sometimes I just leave a whelp

I used to have a number

Now I have a reason not too

I'm afraid to live

Though never afraid to give

I'm afraid of those my age

I've never known your kind

We've always been different

No need to rewind

I'm afraid of girls

Even though they make the best friends

I'm afraid of what they think

Their negative comments make it easier to never wake again

I'm afraid of my family

They'll never love me

I'm afraid to be around them

I always feel sorry and they rush to smother me

I'm afraid of the future

I fear there's no place for me

Even with all the world has to offer

I'm better left history

I'm afraid to have a child

Even though I'd love to raise one

To pass on our horrible gene's

To live knowing what I've done

I'm afraid to be human

I've never been a person before

I've always been what was wanted of me

Over my lost childhood, I'm still sore

I'm angry I never got to socialize

I'm angry I never got to be around other kids

Dad always told me their trash

Go mind my own biz

I'm angry I never got to do anything

While my sister actually did

She was in trouble

I was the good kid

I'm angry everyone gets what I want

When they just throw it away

What I would give

Just to have that for one day

I'm angry I'm all alone

Its all I've ever been

Sure my parents love me

But I have no real life friends

I'm sad I'm getting older

And its still the same

Sure I get closer

But nothing new to add to my name

I'm crying because I'm tired

Tired of fighting

I want to end it all

Even while typing

I want something for me

Instead of being alone

I want friendship

Socialization

A place to call my own

So I continue to struggle

Without an end in sight

I've promised to never kill myself

I just hope things turn out all right

Reviews

[Sleeping Maiden]

awww... such pain. I can relate to the struggles.. man, your writings brings me back memories of my past... -sigh- But don't worry! I love your work.
Please keep writing. =) You have talent and your quite a unique writer yourself.
The pains in life... the sufferings.. can be written down.. by your heart. This is a moving piece. I know you probably wrote this to free yourself from the pain. That's fine. That's what writing is for. Great job with this one! I love your writing..

[Kaylee]

I understand Sad Penguin, I understand. I truly do. I am alone and I am broken.
But you are a writer! We are all writers! That is something to add to your name, something that IS your name.
Don't stop writing. Emotion is what makes the writer, it's what makes a writer. And in a way, writing is living, is fighting.

[misha]

This is a beautiful but sad piece. i can sense the hurt that was put into it. I love writing because it gives me a way to escape and write down how i feel. Great job

[T]

I am sitting here alone at three o'clock in the morning reading your sad and heartfelt words and remembering how I once felt the same. I don;t know how old you are but I want to share with you that time does heal the wounded and we grow from the experiences. No wonder you write, the depth of feelings that comes through with your words are what lives in all poets hearts, I think to be a good poet you must feel deeper and longer than most. Enjoy the gift of it but do not let it overwhelm you. Expressing it, sharing it is what is best. Beautiful write