I Know Why I'm Sad

Expressing my pain from a small child to even now.

I know why I'm sad

Hallow, empty, and alone

I thrown my heart into this world

Only to have it stapled to s**t

All I've ever wanted was to be loved

I guess I was never worthy of it

I've struggled valiantly

Like I always do

When it comes to my family

Nothing will ever do

My parents kept me confined to a box

No kids allowed

Their parents are trash

Dad said aloud

Daddy why won't you love me

I was so loyal to you

Why couldn't I play with other kids

Do the things other kids do

Children circle in school as they play games

Picking me apart

Calling me names

Girls pretend to care

They always did

When I expressed attraction

Another cut from a blade made of hot air

Daddy pretends to love me

When he wants to leave

Tells me secrets 

To my groin he knees

He tells me he can't trust me

Tells me because I got sick I helped ruin his marriage

Why didn't you just shoot me

It would have hurt less....

Guess I know why

You go on with the abuse

Tell me my head is screwed up

Helped deepen me into this recluse

Why won't you love me

No matter what you said to me

I still loved thee

Mommy won't let me do things either

At 22, I can't walk down the road

I couldn't check the mail till 17

I want to be my own man

Instead of something in between

I just want to make you happy

You won't let me have a life

Another level in hell

Another reason why I grabbed the knife

I couldn't take it anymore

I cut myself

I just want to be loved and cherished

Like anyone else

Sister

You screamed and controlled me

3 knocks you hollered

I helped

You yelled

Through that short period...

Absolute hell

I refuse to live with you again

I'm not your slave

I gave you my heart

You helped dig my grave

I want friends but I'm scared

I want love, but girls wouldn't dare

I know why I'm sad.....

Because no one cared

Author's Note

This is about my struggles growing up and even now. This just give a basic look at the hell I've been through. There have been good times as well as the bad. I'm just trying to help get this pain out of my system. A pain that never wants to go away.

Thanks for reading.