If I Never

Another poem from the archives. I was in a really dark place when I wrote this one.

If I never

I hope I die unspeakably

I hope I'm violently raped, starved, and beaten

May my bones be reduced to ash

Crucify me before the masses

You'll never see someone happier

As I begin to slip out of consciousness

Piss down my throat

Call me a b***h

Tell me I was never worth a damn

In my mind you're my knight in shining armor

You see it doesn't matter what you do,

In the end, you accomplished something I never could

I fantasized about it in many visions

Yet here you are bringing it to fruition

The world may see you as a murderer

But to me, a savior

As an added bonus, I become the victim

When it's you that's been victimized

You will be made to suffer

While I feel nothing

May the maggots be swift in my decay

All that matters in the end is I got my way