Warmth

The possibility of your love keeps me warm in the dead of winter.

My heart pulses, as you fill me with desire;

Inspiring me, my enchanting forest scene;

Comforting me, throughout my darkest hours.

How long must I wait, to feel your warm embrace

And how long, until I may hear your true voice.

Eventually, through endless efforts, I will.

Love so deep, based on such shallow connection,

Is, perhaps, quite a preemptive sentiment.

Silently, I wait for you to share this love.

Beauty, is more than skin-deep and you prove it.

Even though your shell lacks not divinity,

All evidence validates your character.

Until the sun is extinguished, my treasure,

This tortured, young soul will wait for your love to

Ignite the kindling of the bliss that could be;

Fueling the scorching, searing flames of young love,

Until they erupt into a supernova.

Let me show you the warmer side of living.

Author's Note

Not a piece I'm particularily thrilled with, however the content is rather genuine. Comments and criticism is very much welcome!

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I like this except for the last line...the last line should be different...I'll tell you why. You build up with these fantastic adjectives and then..."the warmer side of living" seems pretty plain and comfortable even mundane ...I think you need something more awe inspiring there like, Let me cradle you in the universe of my love or let me lick you with the flames of my desire...something big and bold!

[Sacha Davison]

A capital suggestion! I agree that it is a rather subtle and weak line to finish on, but the subtlety of the line is more or less reflective of the nature of my admiration. I do not argue that there are many more fitting lines that could be placed at the foot of this poem. However, I wanted to display the conflict of the raw passion mixed with the necessary discretion. Thank you so much for reviewing and for such a great suggestion!

[Ahmad Cox]

Even though you say you are not thrilled with it I think it is very pretty.

[SyberRose]

I thought this was lovely...and maybe I would change the last word to ME from living.
I enjoyed reading your words...SyberRose

[NutmegPirate]

Well written and eloquent. Excellent work!

[Tarry Franck]

I like it a lot :)

[de_maruf]

fine

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Sacha, this is a lovely poem with a neo classical feel to it. It is warm and romantic.

[Dr. Wood ?]

I think you put yourself down..This is NOT one of your best but it is still pretty darn good.....It reflects TRUE love

[just_teague]

I want to disagree with the review before mine. I think your last line is wonderful. It's subtle and strong, altogether very reassuring. It shows that you are secure and have found your own peace, which gives you something to share with your lover besides bold exaggerated claims. It follows your flame imagery but not in a way that will completely burn an consume love. It also brings a curve to your poetic path, from ignition, to fuel, the searing, to eruption, and then a deep steady warmth. This is a well-written piece.

Did you say you wanted to be a rapper? Do you have any of that work on this website? I'm interested to see what you do with rhythm, you seem to have meter down.

[Sacha Davison]

Wow. I couldn't have worded that better myself, you understand this piece almost more than I do. Thank you so so much for reviewing!!

And aye, I certainly aspire to be a hobby-rapper at least. I don't have any posted up; usually my better lines will come to me during a moment of freestyle, hindering my from ever recording the true gems as a text. I have been thinking about posting one up quite frequently as of late, so perhaps in the near future you will be able to critique my abilities in such a field of work. Take care, I'll be sure to take a look at your work!

[Jeremia]

Nice work. This peace filled me with quite a lot of emotion or rather spoke to and kindled the emotion already welling up inside of me. I enjoyed it's ability to draw me in.

[Sacha Davison]

I'm glad someone can relate, more directly, to this piece. It's a glorious feeling, yet I can't help but have a thundering anxiety brewing in my chest when I think of all the "what ifs", or what have you. Thanks for the review!

[Jeremia]

Man I know exactly what you mean. And you are welcome.

[quinfinn]

i enjoyed this write, but i am of the same opinion as fabian here, this last line doesn't do it for me. this is a fairly stellar write(no pun intended) and that last line just does not gel with the rest of the piece....i was expecting something like...falling toward an irresistible force...join with me at event horizon...i don't know...wonderful write, needs a better ending.

[Sacha Davison]

I appreciate your insights! I can certainly see where you two are coming from, in fact I couldn't agree more! The inconsistency in diction that is brought in at the end of the ppiece

[quinfinn]

you'll work it out, poet!

[Sacha Davison]

exhibits the inconsitency in my audacity towards the potential rromance t. If that makes sense. Excuse my cell phone for destroying my attempt at a comment.

[Sacha Davison]

I do understand what you and Fabian are trying to convey to me, however as the writer I perceive my own work in a way, perhaps far different from your own. Thank you so much for reviewing and suggesting!

[quinfinn]

romance is wonderful but over rated....you must have a sense of humor

[quinfinn]

you are the writer, all the power is yours....enjoy!

[Sacha Davison]

Aha, I feel as though you are attempting to close this conversation, so I bid you farewell! Thank you, yet again, for your kindness and insight! I believe all things may be overrated, depending on who is doing the rating. As to my sense of humor, I'd hope I have one; otherwise, I am seriously fucked when it comes to attracting a mate :P Take care!