Warmth

The possibility of your love keeps me warm in the dead of winter.

My heart pulses, as you fill me with desire;

Inspiring me, my enchanting forest scene;

Comforting me, throughout my darkest hours.

How long must I wait, to feel your warm embrace

And how long, until I may hear your true voice.

Eventually, through endless efforts, I will.

Love so deep, based on such shallow connection,

Is, perhaps, quite a preemptive sentiment.

Silently, I wait for you to share this love.

Beauty, is more than skin-deep and you prove it.

Even though your shell lacks not divinity,

All evidence validates your character.

Until the sun is extinguished, my treasure,

This tortured, young soul will wait for your love to

Ignite the kindling of the bliss that could be;

Fueling the scorching, searing flames of young love,

Until they erupt into a supernova.

Let me show you the warmer side of living.

Author's Note

Not a piece I'm particularily thrilled with, however the content is rather genuine. Comments and criticism is very much welcome!

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I like this except for the last line...the last line should be different...I'll tell you why. You build up with these fantastic adjectives and then..."the warmer side of living" seems pretty plain and comfortable even mundane ...I think you need something more awe inspiring there like, Let me cradle you in the universe of my love or let me lick you with the flames of my desire...something big and bold!

[Sacha Davison]

A capital suggestion! I agree that it is a rather subtle and weak line to finish on, but the subtlety of the line is more or less reflective of the nature of my admiration. I do not argue that there are many more fitting lines that could be placed at the foot of this poem. However, I wanted to display the conflict of the raw passion mixed with the necessary discretion. Thank you so much for reviewing and for such a great suggestion!

[David Scott]

Your poem did feel genuine. Love seldom feels just perfect, and it often is predictable at times. A comfortable read at the least.

[Sacha Davison]

Thank you, good sir!

[Richard Man]

As you step tentatively into a jungle, even though you are free to back track to the village, you can feel that this is a journey worth taking so you can at the beginning of a relationship. Go deeper into the unknown and all will be revealed. We have communicated before and this is a brand new path... yes? I actually I like the bathos and sincerity of the last line.

[Sacha Davison]

Seriously. You need to stop showing me up by simply reviewing! -.-

Aha, all jokes aside though, I thank you greatly for your insight! It isn't a brand new path, per se. Rather, it is simply a new perception of the path I have been surveying, ever so warily. Always a pleasure to hear your take on my work! Take care!

[Richard Man]

oops...

[KAOlmsted]

In the second to the last and the last stanzas you've gone a bit overboard with the "young" talk..."young soul" then right after we get "young love"...I wonder if a poet as talented as yourself might find some other way to express one or both of these sentiments ;-) Otherwise, it's a nice piece. Thanks for sharing it and being so open to constructive criticism. That is, after all, why we are all here.

[Sacha Davison]

Thank you very much for your observations and praise! I agree, my diction was lacking, I usually make an attempt to refrain from repeating a word in such a small area of text. "Young" appears to be just one of those words with my that my mental thesaurus hasn't investigated, so to speak. It is among the ranks of words such as "frigid", "sentiment", "drudging" and many more that I could easily find alternatives for if I just took the time. I fear my laziness will, one day, be the death of me. Thanks again for reviewing!

[Sacha Davison]

Come to think, most of those words that I constantly repeat have a broad spectrum of synonyms that are within the grasp of my vocabulary. This just proves, further, my laziness. Bleh.

[KAOlmsted]

My pleasure...and by all means, explore those alternatives!

[Frieda P]

This is pretty deep for someone so young, the thrill and anticipation of love is always provocative and fodder for some good poetry.

'Until they erupt into a supernova' :-) Go you.

Enjoyable read.

[Sacha Davison]

I may be young, but I believe I've all, but a fresh soul. Thank you for reviewing! (:

[Frieda P]

You're lucky to still be able to see love and life with a clear view, refreshing...we should all remain 17 at heart. ;-)

[Sacha Davison]

You mean to tell me I am able to cease regarding such things through my tinted, smudged window pane?! No, I must sit idly by watching my peers enjoy the fruitful joys of life and love, analyzing and criticizing their every action and reaction. Stupid coffee, making me all rambly.

[Frieda P]

LOL you're too cute. Enjoy your coffee, and life. ;-)

[Sacha Davison]

Aha, why thank you! I will certainly enjoy these things, more so the former ;p

[That_Girl]

Not your best, I'll admit, but it's still pretty good. This right here though, it shines.

"Fueling the scorching, searing flames of young love,
Until they erupt into a supernova.
Let me show you the warmer side of living." Love that.

[Sacha Davison]

Thank you for your honesty, as well as your praise! This is certainly a lower-caste demonstration of my abilities. The feeling was there, but the piece felt almost forced at the same time. I have only been awake for 26 hours, I'm not nearly tired enough to be writing yet!

[That_Girl]

I know what you mean. Some things are difficult to express and via our impatience, we never do it justice. But like I said, it was still good. I just know you're capable of much more is all. Worth the read for sure though! :)

[Sacha Davison]

Thank you, again! (:

[Dayran]

A lovely poem of love and redemption in the passage of time. Bravo!

[KeeD]

This piece reminds me of the movie Hanna. Not sure if you've seen it but yeah I perceived it in such a way that a young girl is looking for acceptance in a world where she's all alone. She's been an orphan in the cold, and she dreams of sunny days.. better days.
"Fueling the scorching, searing flames of young love,
Until they erupt into a supernova.
Let me show you the warmer side of living." very good imagery, and flow the entire piece is well written for a 17 year old you're on your way to becoming a fine writer sir.

[Sacha Davison]

Haven't seen the film, no, however I'll be sure to check it out! I appreciate the compliment and encouragement! Thank you so much for reviewing!