Introducing Myself

I hate to answer the 'tell me something about yourself' question because the answer always stays on the surface. So I figured me being a writer can now have a purpose. There's more to a person than one worded facts, so here I am giving you a peek behind my curtain. I can't guarantee that you like what you see but I am certain you will get a better understanding of me. So before I close them again and retreat back into the shadows I guess here it goes; 

I was born in the nineties. I'm not very tidy but I can be. I guess I'm just lazy. I'm a Pisces but that doesn't really say anything about me. Or maybe it does. I can get lost in my imagination, swim around in it for ages without a real destination. But I can drown in my thoughts too and that just doesn't seem like something someone with a fish symbol would do. Without make up I don't feel pretty which I know is silly since there are more important things than appearances really. With a naked face I feel quite out of place. My confidence leaves me a for a bit, but I'm doing my best to work on it. I like to read but I like it more with someone beside me so I can immediately share my mind before I lose my train of thought. Which is interesting since generally I'm all about distancing. But that's when it's about topics close to me personally. You know, the hidden ones I don't want you to be visiting. When it comes to random bullshit though I want nothing more than for you to be listening. 

I'm good at worrying and trying to hide feelings I shouldn't be burying. I did my years of studying so I have an education but I don't feel smart. I know I can love but I can't give somebody my heart. I can let you borrow it though just know at some point I will go. Maybe not physically but mentally I will leave and retrieve the love I gave because I'm not brave and loving someone doesn't feel safe. Wait...I think I explained that wrong. I'm definitely not the loving type, but I'm able to. So if I got love for you I will see it through. I will make sure you know but not by telling you though. It's more something I'll show so you have to pay attention because I'm not very direct with my affection. It's the little things that count and of that I will give you a big amount wrapped in small gestures and thoughtful presents. But don't get your hopes up too much, I'm not rich so it's more the thought that matters. I'm nice to many people but this special love is not for everyone. So if there's a moment the energy no longer feels the same and I dislike what it became I will reclaim my love and take my distance. It will always stay but I'll just display it in a different way. Or it might only become something I look back at and reminisce one day. But now I stray so let me continue with describing myself with this personality resume.  

The sound of my laugh is one you'll either hate or appreciate. You can think it's a bit annoying but if you do then talking to me you should be avoiding, because I laugh a lot. But then again I also have days when knowing how to laugh is something I forgot. That reminds me of the following thought. I guess I got empathy but quite frankly I hate that s**t lately, because to care is sometimes too much to bear. I admire the guts to be open so I'm here whenever you want to share but then I'm trapped with wishing I could repair all that is broken. But I can't. There is no secret potion to cure a bad emotion. All I can promise to give is my devotion to steer you away from an implosion. But doing such damage control sometimes takes a toll on my soul. I think that's why I'm also longing for a real hug recently. A different kind than what my mom gives me, because if I hug her she asks what's wrong instantly and I don't want her to worry since she already has to deal with her own journey.     

So these were some insights and not just the highlights people usually advertise. Of course there's way more to me than I can verbalize. But I guess me opening this tiny window is a good intro. You might have to revise and go over this piece twice but let me just leave with some last advice. I should come with a disclaimer or a warning before you go exploring. Since you read this it might not come as a surprise. But I would say don't waste your time since I can't let people completely in. I'm a project you shouldn't want to begin. Don't become dependent on me being present. Using a financial term I'd say it would be a bad investment. I can give you comfort and a smile for the time being but at some point I'll be leaving. But for now I'd say thank you to whoever took their time for reading. Obviously there's way more I could write about. I left some bad parts but also good parts out. What you do with this information is now in your hands to carry. But I guess this is me. Nothing special, nothing extraordinary. 

 

Author's Note

It's another very long piece with the attempt of writing it with a rhythmic flow again. I don't really expect anyone to read it since I wrote it more for myself. To the ones who do read it, a thank you for taking the time is in order! ♥

Reviews

[alanwgraham]

Great Sabi. This feels like you've tried hard to be honest but you've acknowledged that this isn't possible. You come across as quite a sensative soul and aware of negative aspects of your personality. I think this is quite normal and you are not alone
Well done for sharing this self portrait.
All the best
Alan

[Lala]

I'm glad my efforts came across as I intended them to be! Writing about yourself is quite difficult because your mind is usually a bit blurred. It's always good to hear I'm not alone though, thank you so much for your response ♥