Was I Wrong?

I don't know how to leave

I don't know how to stay

Thankful for the moment we said hey

Yet I already grieve for the heart I took away

I don't know how this happened exactly

Please know you make me happy

But I'm starting to think I handled things badly

Frustrated that I let my guard down

That I dragged you into the mess I carry around

Often it's the reason behind my frown

The one you like seeing me do

But sometimes I wish you knew

Why my brain no longer feels sane

I will try to explain

But I hope after entering this domain

You can still look into my eyes again

There's a reason I act so secluded

And I have concluded

Why this scenario always suited

Why I never let anybody close

Why it's emotions I dispose

And feelings well, why I ignore those

Because it's better to stay in the shadows

It's the life that I chose

One where nobody can get hurt

It's why I never opened that door

But I can't go back to that anymore

Because there you were

My little saboteur

Making my reality a blur

No longer knowing what's right 

No longer knowing what's wrong

These thoughts consume me every night

Whenever you are out of sight

And my only companion is the moonlight

Lately this fight makes me feel distraught

For a while now it's a reasoning I got

I'm not a bad person, at least I thought

I've been thinking about this a lot

Turning my stomach into a knot

I always try living in the moment

But in our moment I got caught

Now it's at this point of no return

And every day I feel my soul burn

I feel the heat of every flame

Every time I hear your name

Convinced that I'm the one to blame

For the things that will never be the same

I'm not a bad person, I promise

But when I'm completely honest

I believe this wreck is my fault

Because I didn't take a step back

Normally I wouldn't pursue this track

But I took your hand and stepped into your vault

A space that used to be your safe place

But the moment I walked in and showed my face

I brought baggage you cannot erase

And I think that in the long run

I'm the one doing more harm than good

I hope I made it clear, I hope you understood

Doing this I never consciously would

All of this I was never expecting

But if it's my actions I'm reflecting

I should've looked at who they were affecting

Even though it's you who I tried protecting

I think I helped you walk on a path of wrecking

It's this what's messing me up

Whatever I do, I can't make it stop

Often I'm getting frustrated

That I've let it come this far

I love whatever we are

You are my favorite song

I smile when it's this sound I can hum

But I'm scared for what it can become

That in the long run

You'll look back and feel hate

Because I created this state

Just know it never felt like a mistake

But sometimes I think for your sake

It's the highroad I should take

Before it's really too late

But I know I don't have that power

Because I love the time we spend

Wish I could extend every minute and hour

So just leaving all of this behind

Is something I know I could never

Because it's not just in my mind

But also in my heart where you'll be forever

And if we look at every fact

It's probably weird how we act

But I just wanted to say

I still hope for all of this to stay

You'll always be a part of my story

One of which only we know its glory

But if there's a day where it all must go away

I feel like it's mandatory

To make clear from me to you

For this mess I caused, I'm truly sorry