Keeping My Thoughts

The night is knocking at my door

Soon the moon will arrive too

For you this setting means

Letting go and waiting for dreams

Yet my sleep is nowhere near

Every evening goes as planned

I revive and watch the stars appear

As I fall in my own mental trap step by step

I begin dealing with a mind that's slipping 

I start tripping as my thoughts are dripping

On this paper the ink drops

The world stops and it's just me

With a pen in my hand 

Writing thoughts I cannot set free

Peaceful surroundings yet I am counting

Down the clock instead of sheep

Wide awake with my sleep at stake

The hour of darkness leaves me no choice

Waiting until my inner voice begins to talk

About things I always try to block

What I feel and try to conceal

A conversation you wish I would reveal

Of this I am aware but I am unable

There's only one seat at the table 

Reserved for nobody but me

In this seclusion I draw my conclusion

My mind holds images and views

Pictures I cannot paint for you to see

Sometimes I wish I could

Knowing I should yet I never try

I wonder why I can't just comply

Maybe it is how I was raised

And it's a normality for me now

Knowing I need to be saved

Yet it is the path to my grave I paved

It all begins and ends in your mind

What you give power to

Has power over you

So I don't express the mess my mind made

Prayed it will eventually just fade

So I always end up holding back

Because saying my thoughts out loud

Turns them into a reality I don't want to see

But why are you interested in me?

Do you really want to know? 

Is it sincere or just for show?

Is it to help or based on curiosity?

These questions I'm faced with constantly

Possibly you want to know honestly

If that's the case, you deserve an apology

Sorry that I keep you at a distance

When you just want to provide assistance

I know you are right there

But why share the burdens I bear

With a person I want to spare

I want to provide you with happiness

Instead of taking it away

So your efforts will go to waste

Because the weight is mine to hold

I want to solve things on my own

Thinking that I can do this alone

I don't want you to have a taste

Of everything I have on my plate

From your memory this can't be erased

The moment you learn the truth

I cannot return and that's my concern

That's why I choose not to confide

Even though at the end of the day 

I know that it is these type of views

Realized it is this kind of pride

That will make me lose to my dark side