Finding My Peace

Being alone is what I do best

Less stressed when I'm on my own

When I'm in my zone where it's just me

Nobody to impress or words I have to express

Nobody I see and where I can just be

It is on my own where I truly feel free

So being alone is what I do best

But lately life is putting me to the test

Starting to doubt my desire for solitude

Departing from this quest I've always pursued

Being used to hiding behind a curtain

But lately I'm becoming uncertain 

Doubting that this is the road to success

Needing a person to undress the feelings I suppress 

But providing someone with access is a process

Realizing from this socializing I always run away 

To avoid putting my emotions on display

To escape feelings I cannot convey

Knowing that I need someone to speak with

But I'm no wordsmith when it comes to my own thoughts

It is my weakness so I become speechless 

It is a lifestyle I am used to now, but meanwhile

I wish I could change I just don't know how

But I'm a work in progress I guess

Time and time again I wonder when

I will share the thoughts I write with my pen

When I will disclose the phrases I compose

So far only the paper I use truly knows

The shadows where my mind often goes

Time and time again I wonder when

I find the person whose interested in my mind

Who aligns the thoughts I have quarantined  

To whom my written words will be verbalized

To whom my feelings and speech will be harmonized

But I wonder if I will be ready then

Feeling unsteady to lay my soul bare 

But I ache for the day where someone is aware

For my need to be freed and wanting share 

Nights always emphasized my comfort of seclusion

But now I question if this comfort is an illusion

A distraction to avoid any interaction

Maybe I need the right person to come along

To whom I can talk and say nothing wrong

Someone whose a moment of peace

In this loud and shouting world

Who will sit with me beneath the stars

And listens to me vocalize my mental bars

Maybe that one person will never appear

Maybe I won't ever be ready and able 

To lay everything on the table

And I am bound to keep my thoughts right here 

On this paper my feelings will remain

Forever praying that my brain will stay sane 

And my bones won't strain under the weight of my pain