Clouded Thoughts

Clouded thoughts creating a misty mind

An inner storm I want to leave behind

Waiting for the silver lining to arrive

So I can feel happy to be alive

A foggy haze leaving me blind

Trapped in darkness as I am confined 

Hoping that after this dreaded bumpy road

A glimpse of light will implode

Brightening the inside of my mind

Illuminating the path I desperately want to find

I wonder how long this light will keep shining

Because without it, I will never find my silver lining 

Oh this gleam I so hold on to

This mental lock down is long overdue

Pave the way for I want to escape

Give me tunnel vision, never looking back at my mistakes

I desire to regain power over my mentality

Before I am confronted with my mortality

But there are so many destructive factors at play

No matter how hard I try, I cannot wish them away

For this abyss clouds my judgement

Seeking bliss is my true covenant 

My battle with self perseverance will unfold

The bruises I obtain as I march on are gold 

My internal struggle is a continuous warfare 

But whenever I reach a state of despair

I listen to my heart beating like a drum

A manifestation of what I have overcome

For a long time it was this rhythm I lost

Absent at every path I crossed

But my soul feels harmonized once more

And I regained the strength to fight this inner war 

From waking up at night drenched in sweat

Recalling memories I am trying to forget

Negative chants resonating in my head

Consisting of words that were never said

But this barrage has only just begun

My pupils foresee what is still to come

My unyielding display of ambition

Glazed in pure euphoria is what I envision

Trying to walk away from my own shadow

To dismiss thoughts I thought a long time ago

I no longer want to stand in this shade

So it is a change in the weather I have prayed

The hums of gratitude are so ever near

The change in scenery has now become more clear

Bless my conscious for pulling through

Bless my mind for adopting a new view

Now that my psyche is evolving

It is the meaning of life I am solving

I do not have all the answers yet

Mental instability still forms a threat

It is my desolation I'm trying to decrypt

A continuing era of gloom inscribed in the manuscript

A well knitted revision needed for this novel

Though, the fear inscribed in me is making me grovel

We all have to compose our own story

But currently mine holds no glory

I know the narrative that needs to be told

But the light refuses to shine through my blindfold 

One can only be in a deep void for so long

The whispers of sorrow steer me wrong

This fog continues to creep behind me and I cannot flee 

Obscuring my vision and I wonder, am I my own enemy? 

Feeling like I am losing my mind

But maybe it is necessary to get lost before it is myself I can find

Perhaps this inner struggle has its reasons

But it's exhausting to continuously fight your own demons

I am my own villain, no one else I can blame

My soul is on fire but I try to fight every flame

Attempting to leave behind the toxicity of the past

But this smog has me trapped in its forecast

Questioning if my prospects are good

If this weight on my shoulders encompasses adulthood

It is myself I keep burning at the stakes

And I wonder if this is what it takes

If what I have to pay as a price

Is the concept of self sacrifice

Maybe one has to suffer before attaining success

Maybe it is essential in order to achieve growth and progress

To be reborn from my ashes

Healing from self inflicted slashes

The taste of glory is on my lips

I can see the finish line of my personal apocalypse

Salvation is almost within my reach

My darkness is finally approaching its breach

Trying to deliver myself from evil

Determined to survive this upheaval 

No more panting and gasping for air

It is time to end this mental warfare

Detaching from my darkest hour

It is time to sprout like a flower

The moment has arrived to take the lead

So that I can finally prosper and succeed

Dear darkness, it is time for your release

So I can finally achieve inner peace

No longer a prisoner, no longer a slave

It will be myself that I save

Clouds are slowly dissolving and I'm approaching a clear sky

Dear darkness, I think it is finally time to say goodbye

Author's Note

I never write poems this long. This poem however is the 100th one I've written so therefore I decided for this occasion to make a poem that is 100 lines long. I hope to convey an inner journey individuals often go through so I hope that message becomes clear to you, the reader.