Ironic Euphoria

All things you said to me
Could have made me a better person
Or was it made me a bitter person
Well you know I’m not sure anymore
Cause they tell you to get past it
To accept what life throws at you
When life gives you lemons make lemonade
But I’m too busy squeezing them over my open wounds

So give me my chance to forget the mundane
To reach a novel goal, something innovative
But what do you mean it’ll be even harder
Maybe I’ll stay here, and someone will reach for me
So it dawned upon me, a new day
But somehow I can’t forget the last
Maybe if I open my eyes again
No, no more looking to the sun
Cause it may just be my burning retinas
Or my dying pride
But I’m ready
To let go
Of YOU
Now and forever
Dearest Mother of mine

Reviews

[Alyssa Dufresne]

OMG LOVE IT

now for the rest of you who probably have no clue...i HATE my mother...pretty much 24/7
yeah we have our nice moments, but that's only cause we're human and no one is looking

love the last lines the most

But I�m ready
To let go
Of YOU
Now and forever
Dearest Mother of mine


[can i please put this poem in my book?]

[Katie Flores]

wow so i really liked the style of this piece, and the sentiments are relatable :)

[shoaib]

i like that contrast in words ... better / bitter
great work

[Leah Maldonado]

Was it death or heartbreak? You should add more about the way your mother hurt you, or what happened to your mother hurt you. But I liked this poem alot, it had some really cool lines and a great title.
nice job,
Leah

[fatlittlejoe]

Wow, that threw me for a loop at the end, i can completly understand where you are coming from I'll refrain from details but this is very well done. Thanks for the read.

[Roberta Weth]

Thank you taking the time to enter in my contest I came here to wish you luck and say that this is a lovely poem.
~Bobbi

[Chris Zahar]

The line about squeezing the lemons that life had thrown at you over your open wounds was awesome and an excellent modification of a cliche saying. Your analogy of the delusion of being able to keep a relationship alive, using the sun and burning retinas was also great. Most symbolists (and I am one of those included) forget that the point of using symbols is to help people understand what is going on inside you, to represent the complex, and that is exactly what you did.

[Oz]

Thanks for entering my contest. I like this alot. The imagery you use in this poem is great and I especiall love the name. Great job!

Cheers,

Oz

[Raef C. Boylan]

Like the other reviewers here, i enjoyed the surprise when your narrator revealed that they were talking about their mother; already distinct in style, it increased the originality of this piece.

"Could have made me a better person
Or was it made me a bitter person" - i like the play on words, the deliberate internal rhyming and also how this aids the creation of a conversational narrative tone; it's thoughtful, like a stream of consciousness, because we are in the narrator's mind as he/she changes their mind.

"When life gives you lemons make lemonade
But I�m too busy squeezing them over my open wounds" - good twist on a optimistic proverb - we're given further insight into your narrative character's personality.

"Cause they tell you to get past it" - for this piece to be taken that little bit more seriosuly, i suggest making the "Cause" a 'cause or even because, since (i think) the syllables still fit into the rhythm of this stanza.

"Maybe if I open my eyes again
No, no more looking to the sun
Cause it may just be my burning retinas
Or my dying pride" - again, we're with the narrator when they correct themselves, increasing the impression of eavesdropping on either a conversation or their thoughts. I like the way you've linked up "burning retinas" to "the sun", which in this case is originally portrayed as a source of light and hope...but is revealed to actually just blind you.
I think you could increase the sense of this being the narrative voice interrupting themselves with the use of "..." either after "eyes again" or "the sun", or before "Cause it may" - or somewhere within those three lines.

Overall, this is an absorbing read and a good piece of writing.
Thanks for posting it, and good luck with the contest.

[Joey P]

Powerful.

"When life gives you lemons make lemonade
But I�m too busy squeezing them over my open wounds"

I really like the bitterness in that line/those two lines. I really like the whole poem, and I wasn't expecting "mother" to be who it was about, but that (I believe) makes it even better.

"No, no more looking to the sun
Cause it may just be my burning retinas
Or my dying pride
But I�m ready
To let go.."

That's probably my favourite part of the whole poem, and I'm not entirely sure why.. probably the mention of dying pride.

Anyroad, its really good. :]

[Midnite Writer]

Nice work, you could change "or was it made me a bitter person", to something easier to read though. Again, good job. :-)