Swells

It wasn't exactly a three hour tour...

 

           It had been no less than six hours since she had seen the last of her two-manned sailboat go down. Amanda was feeling the effects of hypothermia setting in, and she was starting to feel the dread in her stomach move towards her heart as the seconds ticked by on her fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, waterproof watch. Funny, how lead somehow moved upward for her. She was only floating now because she was too stiff to unwrap her arms from her floatation device. At least the rain had stopped trying to beat her into a coma. The storm had passed by hours ago but the water was still choppy and freezing. The nearly arctic wind kept blowing water droplets into her face which, in her mind, just added insult to injury. As her Seiko ticked her life away she reflected on her first and probably last full day at sea. The day had started out with the best laid plans, she remembered. She thought about the old adage now, the one that said good intentions pave the road to Hell. With that in mind her mouth formed a sardonic smile as she let herself reflect on the previous day's events.

 

            Josh had surprised her at six am, ringing her phone off the hook. His excitement had quivered through the line and into her ear as he informed her that she'd better get her a*s out of bed and dressed in layers in half an hour. She was going to suddenly be informed of the funeral of a close family friend that she couldn't possibly miss, and therefore would, of course, have to miss work. From then on it was a flurry of excitement getting to the harbor to meet Josh. She could remember the crystal clear warmth that sank into her heart when she saw him for the first time yesterday morning. He was standing there with that stupid, love-struck grin of a man about to bestow the best present ever on an unsuspecting love. As it turned out he had planned the whole day for them. They had boarded the boat with the excitement that belonged to the young and in love, setting out for a grand adventure. They had sailed out of the harbor and enjoyed a beautiful day making love, eating and having teasing conversation. At dinner, under the moonlight of course, he'd spent most of the meal not touching his food but staring at her, sometimes in a daze and sometimes twitchily. Just as Amanda had opened her mouth to comment on his silence, his eyes darted to the table and then back at her as he cleared his throat. Funny, how she could remember every single detail of the next few moments. He had started by telling her thank you for such an amazing day and then had gone on to express just how special she was to him. In the course of bearing witness to his eloquence her eyes had welled along with her heart, but she wasn't sure when it had happened. Just as she was reveling in the fresh wave of emotion, he started getting around to his point. That was the very moment when she realized what he was going to say. Her mouth itched to open but she didn't want to cut him off. Per her usual luck however, nature did that for her, and the rain started out of nowhere.

 

            Looking back on it now, she realized the sky had probably been clouding up all night. She remembered the candles being brighter as the moonlight disappeared. Their movements mirrored each other's as they dashed for the cabin together. They somehow managed to get in the door without too much tripping over each other. They giggled together for a moment before it turned into all out laughter as the rain started pounding on the cabin roof. They had both known what he was asking and they both knew that she had said yes even though the words never left her lips. Together, they laid down on the bed murmuring all the trite phrases of people in love. Eventually they had made love and dozed off embracing each other. She remembered the stunning warmth radiating from her heart, warming even her toes. Surely, Josh could feel it, having pressed so close to her. The security she felt lying in his arms, in their bed together, was irreproachable.

 Amanda was awoken by a violent roll of the sailboat to the port side, and the sound of the cabin door banging open and closed several times. Confused at first, she pushed her body up, already shaken from her lethargic snooze, and looked around for her napping partner. She could feel the now freezing air hitting her limbs and noted his absence from the bed. All at once an alarmed feeling swept over her senses. She jumped out of the bed disentangling her body from the sheet. She jammed her body into her clothes, the whole time feeling this excruciating need to lay her eyes on Josh. He would have woken her up, or let her know he was going on deck if he had just woken up earlier than her. The boat rolled a few more times and she fell over twice before scrambling to the cabin door. The panic was making her even clumsier than she was already. Before she even closed in on the cabin door she knew the rain had turned into an all out, raging storm. The floor kept shifting under her feet, and things kept falling out of their place, rolling or sliding across the floor. She was acquiring her bearings far too slowly and she knew it.

 

            Amanda slammed her palm against the violently flapping door and clamored up the short flight of stairs. She looked around wildly for Josh, praying faster than imaginable that he would be on the deck somewhere. She had a knot in her chest formed by the dread that he wouldn't be there for some reason, washed overboard while she dreamed peacefully below. Within a second she spotted his iridescent life jacket by the ropes of the sail rigging. He'd somehow managed to get the sail down, and at the moment he was grasping the boom trying desperately not to be thrown off his balance. She could see he had sighted her and was screaming at the top of his lungs. He was adamant about something but all she could catch were pieces of words and the movement of his lips. She ran towards him after uprooting her feet first planted in anxiety and then in relief. She fell twice banging the s**t out of her shins and knees in the process, but she barely registered a twinge as she dashed towards him He needed her and she'd be there. She froze halfway to him when she FINALLY caught what he was screaming, "GET YOUR GODDAMNED LIFE JACKET ON!!!" At that moment she realized her, possibly fatal, mistake as the words sank in. She had been so stupid.

 

            She had turned back to the cabin immediately, eyes wide in sheer terror. She couldn't f*****g swim. He knew that. She knew that. Just as she had taken a step back to the cabin, the boat gave a violent toss starboard and she went careening down onto her face. This time she felt a hell of a lot more than a twinge, and soon after, she saw her own blood spurting onto the deck. The crimson rivulets were almost immediately washed from her sight in the maelstrom. Another second later she heard the thud right next to her and felt a hand clutching at hers, which she grabbed instinctively. Josh would keep her safe, she knew that innately. They latched together in the next moment as the boat became caught in what was probably a positively awe-inspiring wave had she managed to have the spare thought to look at it. Instead she only felt the ship move, taking her and Josh's body along with it. The boat, Amanda, and Josh were all riding up the wave. She looked dead into Josh's eyes and saw the terror that he was trying to hold at bay for her benefit. They were going to die; it was inevitable and they had both realized it. Maybe he had realized it first, but she had finally caught on. Tasting blood in her mouth, she opened her lips screaming the only thing that was racing through her mind. The sound however might as well have been directed at the boat because Josh was unable to hear her through the deafening roar which had risen to a loud pitch. He saw the words though. She knew that. She believed that. She had hoped that. He had to know she was using her last moments of life to remind him of how much she cared for him. In that same moment the boat crumbled against the ocean and they submerged. Amanda, Josh, and the boat were all sharing the same moment. They were connected. A trio, being driven towards the bed of what was sure to be their resting place. Josh was a stronger man than even she gave him credit for though. From the moment they left thedeck to the moment they bobbed to the surface he never once loosened his grip on her.

 

            The water was a penetrating cold that seeped into her body at lightning speed. Surely it was worse for him as she felt his bare skin quake under her clutching arms. That was when the lead first appeared. It dropped from her heart to her stomach. The next few hours were shouts which were received as whispers in his ears. All of it was futile resistance. You're doing great baby. Just stay warm honey. Honey, keep holding me. Don't let go darling. Keep it up love. All the while he turned first blue, and then blue with a haunting highlight of purple streaked in. Nothing she could do or say was going to save the man who was so desperate to save her. She couldn't even bring herself to tears. Her words of encouragement turned to whispers instead of shouts. The heartbreak was racking her body at that moment, and even now as she floated along reflecting, was utterly consuming.

 

            She looked, again, at her watch. It had been 24 hours since she'd been woken with his ecstatic voice on the first, and last, day of her life. Her life had ended hours ago when his had. A heaving, shuddering breath infiltrated and escaped her lungs. The storm had passed nearly as soon as it had managed to f**k them over. First it had taken the boat from them. Then it had taken her soul from her, ripped it out with a stabbing gust of wind. She had clung to his corpse and his life preserver for hours now. The water had numbed her body, the storm had taken her soul, and now her watch was ticking away her perseverance. Her will. Her life. She looked at the discolored face she'd been avoiding since the luminescence had left it. It was a corpse not her lover.
           

            It was over and goddamnit she would not go peacefully at Nature's time. Nature had s****y timing and she would not let it schedule her death. She took the ticking watch off of her arm and pressed it between the, now repulsive life preserver and the discolored chest of her former lover with a stiff frozen movement. Nature's time was closing in on her but she'd go her own way. She at least wanted that control. She would surrender gracefully against the stronger power which had waged war on her all night. She pressed her cheek against the cheek of the cadaver in front of her. She'd see him again, hopefully. She didn't want to look at what the battle had done to his body. Instead she looked at the sun rising over the ocean. It was so beautiful that it softened her a little. She complimented Nature on her artwork and on being a good winner. The prevailing force smiled down at her as Amanda unclenched her arms and finally surrendered.

Author's Note

Reviews

[Magicant]

Oh, very Titanic. This was my bedtime story and you made me go to sleep without a fairytale ending? Shame on you.
No, only kidding. Fact is, your ending was deceptively optimistic. A lot of the sadness is taken away by the artwork of that final sunrise. Do you mean to tell me that beauty can prevail against death? Daring premise, young lady. I both agree with, and salute you, for it.

As far as editing goes, I'm thinking that you know the parts that need polishing and, if not, I'll comment on them after you post your finished piece.

Well done. I'll dream now of water and love and drowning and a purple Leonardo Dicaprio, I'm sure.

Know what line I especially liked?
"Then it had taken her soul from her, ripped it out with a stabbing gust of wind."
You should take care to italicize 'ripped'; it's a beautiful word - isn't it?

[Magicant]

Aha! Look at how much healthier this story is! And how about you? Are you proud of what you've created?
Very nicely done.

[Magicant]

Okay Sparrow, gut check time.
You're story is fat. It needs to lose weight, let me give you an example:

"Josh had surprised her at 6am ringing her phone off the hook, his excitement had nearly quivered out of the phone and into her ear..."

The word 'phone' is necessary to specify only once. Notice how you repeat needlessly? You can get rid of either one, but I would personally leave the later and delete the former, seeing as 'phone off the hook' is a pretty cliche phrase anyway.

Your story is wrought with such things. Go through and cut down on the sugar and sweets - metaphorically speaking - for that hourglass figure that's so much more pleasing to the eye.

[Loner]

This was wonderful and compelling. It kept my attention from beginning to end. You can certainly expand on it, particularly in the beginning with more description of your characters. I wasn't quite sure if she was flashing back or not while adrift at sea. If that was the case you may want to revert back to present time before the end and her demise. It was beautiful piece in all it's haste. I think this is very fine work and you should definitely continue to write more stories. A great first draft Sabrina. I think it would be wonderful if you expanded on this.