A Bird In The Hand

Since the slipup with deleting everyone's work (grrr!) I haven't been movitvated to write much so i figured I'd see if I could get the ball rolling again with this. It's no masterpiece but at least it's something.

Lonely as ever

Colder than never

I trusted you

One of the few

Prying in a step

My heart had just leapt

I stalled and I sputtered

Weighing everything you uttered

But I took a chance

And so the Dance

Twirling around and round

you saw my back

and the heart that you lack

And couldn't resist

 curling your fist

Groping the blade

Your character well played

Author's Note

Please be honest, I know it's not magnificent or anything.

Reviews

[Loner]

I think this is wonderfully minimalist with excellent imagery instantiated in the language. I'm able to grasp your meaning, and the rhythm plucks like a string instrument. That is my most honest remark on your piece, and your honesty in prose is what makes you magnificent.

[C. Tompkins]

This piece has a lot of potential. Try breaking up the lines so that the rhymes aren't all "end rhymes". Break the lines at more surprising places and don't force so many hard rhymes. Try half-rhymes like "despair" and "imperative" There are many more ways to work in meter and rhyme than making them obvious at a line break. Still, content wise, it's a good setting, and I'm mostly intrigued by the title and its relation to the piece. Meditate on that and approach the poem again. Good work!