The Boy who fell asleep in the Woods

Read it yourself! :D

One afternoon, a boy went out to take a stroll through the woods that surrounded his house. He started to feel really tired, so he sat down in the shade of a large oak and closed his eyes, and he fell asleep.

He woke up a quite a few hours later. The sun had set, and it was dark. Very dark. He got up and started hurrying home, wondering if his parents had started worrying about him being out so late. He finally reached the edge of the woods, and there was his house. But something was strange. He couldn't quite put his finger on it until he realised that it was very dark, yet the house lights weren't on. He didn't think too much of it though, and just kept on running. He got to the front door and realised that it was already ajar. This was where he started to get worried. 

He slowly opened the door and looked inside. Not being able to see anything, he fumbled for the light switch. Finally he found it. He switched the lights on, and he gasped at what he saw. The lounge & kitchen was trashed. Chairs were broken, tables lying on their side. Practically everything was on the floor, broken into pieces. 

"Mum? Dad?" he called out, hoping that this was just some bad joke.

No answer. Silence remained. 

Deciding to check out the rest of the house, he tiptoed through the destroyed lounge, trying not to disturb anything. He reached his parents bedroom door. His hand reached out to twist the doorknob, but he froze. The doorknob had blood on it. Alot of it.

He turned the bloody doorknob and opened the door to his parents bedroom. He stood in the doorway. Frozen. Frozen in fear and shock by what he was seeing. Laying on the floor were his parents. At least if you could still recognise them, that is. Their bodies had been hewn apart, bit by bit, joint by joint, so that what remained was pieces. Half a finger here, another kneecap there. However the abhorence of this scene was that all the pieces had been place back in order. Some sick twisted thing had hewn their bodies into tiny pieces, and then tried to put them back into order. Like some disgusting version of puzzle.

The sight of it al was too much for him. He bent over in disgust, and emptied his stomach of his half digested lunch. Suddenly there was a noise from behind him. Someone must have heard him vomit. He turned around, ready to bolt, but he was too late. A fast moving wooden plank emerged out of the darkness behind and hit him square on the back of his head. He was knocked out cold. Completely unconcious.

He woke up with a gasp. He looked around, trying to see where he was. Suddenly, he realised. He was sitting in the shade of the great oak. The sun had set, and it was dark. Very dark. Just a dream he reassured himself.

It was just a dream.

He  He got up and started hurrying home, wondering if his parents had started worrying about him being out so late. How could I have slept for so long, he thought. Finally, he reached the edge of the woods, and there was his house. Something was wrong though. The lights were off.

No, it couldn't be, he thought. He was sure that it all had just been a very bad dream. A very bad nightmare. Realising that the last thing he remembered in his 'dream' was been hit in the back of the head, he slowly rose his hand. Time slowed as he raised his hand to feel for the bruise that prove whether it was just a dream or not.

It was just dream, he thought. Or wasn't it?

Author's Note

Interested in any feedback

Reviews

[Dr. S. D. Blankenship D..]

Hello, I'm S. D. Blankenship.

Let's write a review.

Mistakes: Upon reading your story, I have only found a few misspellings.

You have “recognise” instead I think you need to spell, “recognized”; “unconcious” you should spell, “ unconscious”; “Realising” should be, “Realizing”; “realised” should be, “ realized”; “abhorence” should be, “abhorrence”; “A lot” should be, “A lot”.

Word choice:
I’ve noticed you seem to used “And” or “but” though-out your story. Instead I feel you should consider using more detailed words to describe a scene though-out more openly. (I.. G. in your first sentence you end the statement by saying, “and he fell asleep.” What if you where to say something by the means of, “soon after his guard seemed to have dropped, laying still as the wind patted his shirt he only knew of one world now, the world opened to millions of dream bubbles.”

Overall:
Overall, the story is like a broaden overview for the tell “The Mysterious Stranger”, by the nom de plume, “Mark Twain”. I feel this story, as good as it is, could be better with a few tweaks. Add a few details to explain the plot.

Is this story good? Well, It is a good idea, but still lacks what grabs the readers attention, Motivation as to “why”.

Understandment from Reviewer/Reader:Is this story good? Well, It is a good idea, but still lacks what grabs the readers attention, Motivation as to “why”.


As I finished reading I schemed over the reviews. I found only one. The story seemed to grab at this readers interests, I can really see why. This story, is very decent. The plot holds good. It shows how we each can dream in a mind-eye, but live so close to realty at the same time.

I have to say. It does have the class to pull the readers mind into the story.

What do I think of the genareal idea: I love the ideas you have filled my brain with. You have set my soul to vender ahead of myself, yet again. Bravo!

How other's might see this work: One can never know what another is seeing when someone else sees the same thing. And this poem discabes that so well.

~S. D. Blankenship

[Maria Lopes]

I found this fantastic, beautifully written and interesting! Would love to see a follow up, what if it wasn't a dream at all?

[chloe]

i think it really nice and well written!

[NoblePariah]

This was good, I liked the ending and the disturbing nature of the state in which he found his parents. The only thing that I would say about this story is, in my opinion, that it should show a bit more and tell a bit less. With the exception of the details of the parents death, which was exactly as detailed as it should be. The parts such as him making his way through the house and running through the dark forest could use a bit more detail to set the scene such as a him running and maybe showing a few of his thoughts as he becomes increasingly more nervous when he realizes the lights weren't on. Again just my take on it, but as I said it's definitely a good story as is, well done.

[Sa5m]

Thanks for the feedback!