ORIGINS

A Story by SVermeer

Part the first.

THE FIRST BOOK OF LOBSTER, CALLED

ORIGINS

Chapter the First

1 In the beginning, there was nothing but eternal hexagonal-shaped nothingness, wrapped in the shadow of nothing, consumed by emptiness and the lacking of feeling or non-feeling of anything at all, whatsoever.

2 Actually, that is a lie. There was simply the absence of something.

3 And then without warning or precedence to anything hitherto mentioned, spawned an egg. This egg came from the Goddess of Oblivion, known also as The Universe.

4 However, upon hearing of the news that she was HIV positive, she took her own immortality by creating an eighteen wheeler and throwing Herself in front of it.

5 And from the blood which flowed from Her corpse two lobsters were born, one named Esmeralda, the other, Keith.

6 Esmeralda, the beautiful and illustrious green crustacean, used Her magnificent claws to sever the nothingness of space and time. And from these riffs flowed infinite amounts of marbles.

7 And one of these marbles became the Earth, and a particularly yellow one became the Sun. And its heat made the planets perspire from every pore and orifice, and their torrents of sweat became the stars and the moons.

8 And Esmeralda grew angry at Keith over who was the most All-Powerful, causing a momentous battle to ensue. After thousands of years of fighting, They grew fatigued, and so Night and Day were created to set forth moments of rest; after a short nap, the battle resumed. Keith, with all his might, fatally wounded Esmeralda, and shattered His left claw in the process.

9 And its shards fell upon the planets, creating Nature and all Its glory: the dry spaces Land, the wet, Sea.

10 Esmeralda died shortly after, and became the Firmament of Her favorite planet, Earth. Now that He was alone, Keith created animal life to enjoy the bounty of the earth and His occasional wrath.

11 And these animals multiplied for generations until their boredom became apparent.

12 And being sympathetic to their plight, Keith eventually created Man and Woman, so they could slaughter the animals and rape the environment for its full value.

13 And Keith blessed His creations, and for the moment all were content.