Pressing toward my lover

I'm beat.
I'm bruised.
I am over stimulated.
My lover from this earth is dead.
I play the game.
I fight to be encouraged.
There is a river of grieve against my soul.
I'm pressing upstream.
I slip back and fall gulping down the water with my breath,
Chocking, gasping, grasping.
I must go on I can not quite.
In heaven I will see her.
I must wait out my time,
struggle through my last days.
I get up.
I struggle.
I cry.
I scream the water rages against my soul.
A little hope shines within.
just enough heaven touches me,
just enough to keep  struggleing,
onward, northward to the kingdom of light.
My soul is weary but I will not quite.
Yet, I long for death for it shall be my sweet release.
I will see my lover standing with God and open arms.
That day will be by healing
that day will I rise up.
Rise like I've never risen.
Though now I strugle like Ive never struggled.
God is making me swim up stream like a desperate injured salmon.
Some how I know that in a thousand years from now I will understand; but now only faith and hope hold my soul.

I will trust.

I will go forward.

There is no loss in trying

I have already lost what was best.

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Not everyday is this bad, but this is a true expression of some of my days.

Reviews

[Pointblank]

If I wasn't depressed before I am depressed now. What an incredible love...and loss. I would hope my love would go on and do all the things we planned..with my thoughts in his head and a smile on his face. I will read more of your work looking for a happiness and light. Important, meaningful, and I've gained insight from reading it. TY

[Jenny Davis]

This is sad and touching...you've expressed yourself in such a way that the reader understands your pain.
Very nicely done.

[[untitled]]

Yes, I can relate to this, I cried for 12 months non stop. Firstly let me say I am so sad for your enormous loss. You have faith and that will see you through this difficult time. I was able to move on once I stopped thinking of my husband in the cold ground and started thinking in terms of spirit...it helped me enormously.
The other thing is that I realised no one could do anything to appease my loss and I knew it had to come from me...the healing. I hope you see your way clear to be able to move on.
This was a wonderful tribute...
Helen :-)

[Treasaigh (The Solitar..]

It felt as if I was peering into your soul for a brief moment. Your heartfelt emotions are expressed so clearly in this poem. Beautifully written.=)


I'm truly sorry for your loss, I'm sure writing about your experience as you have here brings a bit of comfort to your sorrow and mourning.

[DrumMajorPod]

This was a well-written piece from beginning to end. And as someone else stated.. that last line gave me chills. Excellent work.

[Mr. Lopez]

While reading this poem , i found myself drowning in your dispair. The depth of lover felt for your wife is evident in this stong write. I think that your strength to go on comes from the knowledge that she waits and watches over you. Excellent poem .

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

This poem pulled me in from the very beginning. nice job rhea crosley. I am so sorry to hear that your lover is passed away, but what is good is the fact you brought your pain and loss to your poetry, to share with all of us. Your intense emotions seeps from this poem, and it is very honest.

Just a spiritual note: death is very hard, and luckily no one in my direct family has died yet, besides my pets, but I know in my heart that one day WE CAN be together with our family and loved ones. I know this in my heart, and through my religious and spiritual beliefs. anyway, enough of me, GOOD JOB!! thanks for sharing this.

[Suki]

Im really sorry about your wife. This is a really nice poem. My Mom has been sick as far back as her teenage years and I can sort of relate to what you feel.

[Blackbirdsong]

You really have a gift for expressing your feelings..this poem is well written (even with a typo or two grieve instead of grief for instance) but those minor things don't take away one bit from the power of the pain you so eloquently describe. A love like this is a blessing to have had. You were blessed. You still are.

[D Poet K]

I read in your about me that you lost your wife, and when I read this poem I was touched even more. so sad because it happens to everybody one day...the poem was beautifully written and the emotion was definitely heartfelt