To my Ex-Love

An epistle

To my ex-love:

As I sit by my window, I gaze into the moonlit sky.

 Thinking over, and over, and over,

Thinking again, and again, and again.

The more I Reminisce, the more it hurts.

 It hurts for me to think because the memory leaves me with pain.

 I remember the times we played video games together.

Although it sounds so childish, it was a lot of fun.

Also the times we would play fight and joke around with each other.

The laughs we both engaged in.

The deep intellectual conversations that we constantly indulged in.

And how it ended so quickly. Why?

Why couldn’t it last forever?

I know we were never official,

But it felt as though we were.

We had something special, even if it had no true meaning

 Or you never defined what we were.

What we had was special because you had a way of making me feel like

I was number one in your life.

But why is it that you could not choose me?

Instead when we did not work out,

You consoled your heart with another person.

You shared everything special to me with her.

The warm tender loving hugs are not for me anymore, now they are for her.

She gets all the nice compliments you use to give me.

As I sit by my moonlit window and reminisce about you,

 I began to resent you.

Or do I resent me?

After all I never expressed my true feelings to you.

I never showed you I cared.

Instead I pushed you away because it was the easy thing to do.

I tried to act hard,

Like losing you did not matter to me.

I felt that if I guarded my heart

I could not get hurt.

 And you definitely could not hurt me.

I tried to get you to change for me, but you wouldn’t.

And yet it seems so easy for you to change your style and personality for her.

And now all I can think about is there is no more you and me.

Even though there was never officially an “us.”

But whatever we had seems to be officially over.

Because your calls have come to a halt.

Your messages have ceased.

The memories I have of you are slowly slipping away.

At least as much as I can forget.

But the more I try to forget, the more I tend to remember.

No matter what I do to forget

I will always remember that it was me who

Did not give you a chance to prove yourself

And it hurts to know your heart is not with me,

Because you gave your heart to her.

And I know you are happy so I do not want to

Come in between the two of you,

And I know I have to let you go

Even though it hurts me to know that you have truly moved on.

The part that hurts the most is you seem content without me.

Shaudae Smith