Reflection

reflecting on rain

blacktop moonlit holograms

dancing in puddles

Author's Note

All constructive feedback welcome! It's a haiku for those who take note of those things.

For such a tiny piece this one had an interesting genesis. It came out of a process with Lost Soul, with a final word choice made with Inject Positivity. Thank you.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

There might be a million poems that try to describe rain & moonlight, but in this very short one, you've expressed something very original without any clichés . . . quite an accomplishment! I like the way every word is chosen to convey maximum meaning. That's what these short forms are all about (((HUGS)))

[Shannon]

Thank you so much barleygirl. I love wrangling words, sometimes!

[Emomoemi Johnson Newcourt]

Mm. It's such a rarity for a poem describing rain - 3 lines - and yet accurately done. That's talent! Well done.

[Shannon]

Thank you for the read and review. I appreciate you stopping by

[Elizabeth J. Gelinger]

Haikus are my favorite kind of poetry and the ones I specially enjoy are the ones able to truly describe a whole scene in 17 syllables. This one fits my definition of a good haiku, the scenery created is really rich and the words were wisely chosen. I really liked it.

[Shannon]

Thank you. I am glad that you liked it. I enjoy choosing a few careful words.

[WordKnurd]

I love a good haiku, and this is a good one! I particularly loved the double entendre in the word reflecting. My first thought was "Ok. The speaker wants us to know that he or she is pondering rain." When I read the second line I let out a big "Ohhhh, IIIII get it." I adore the second line. In my mind, I see oil stains on the road after a hot summer rain. My only problem is the word "dancing." In a haiku there is no room for a word that nonspecific. They could be waltzing in puddles. Or twirling through puddles. Something which brings a more striking image to mind.

Other than that, keep up the good work and please review one of mine if you get the chance!

[Shannon]

Thank you. You are the first to notice the double meaning, by the way. I appreciate the note about the wording (and always appreciate constructive feedback). I think in this case I will keep my wording. Dancing in puddles is an attempt to access childhood and even vintage movies!

Thanks again, and I will head over to your page sometime soon.

[Jon Roggie]

Beautiful. Watching the rain is priceless.

[Shannon]

Thank you for the read and review. Always appreciated!

[Alice Poésy]

"Blacktop moonlit holograms" - that line is so descriptive I feel like I'm dissecting a single raindrop and looking at its anatomy.

I don't think anyone could describe rain any better and beautifully.

[Shannon]

Thank you so much. Most people like the last line. But that middle one is actually my favourite. 'Dissecting a single rain drop' is a thrilling way to describe it!

[Selena D. Harper]

I like rain so much. Short write containing lot of meaning. My favorite will be the last line. A childish flavor mixed with it. Keep writing!

[Shannon]

It's funny, I had two versions of the last line written, one dark, one light. A Café friend strongly encouraged the lighter version and that seems to be a favourite line!

[James]

I can so see the drops splashing, the ripples, and droplets, and the hologram reflection on the moonlit pavement.

[Shannon]

Thanks, always love when I can paint pictures!

[Nina H.]

It's amazing how just a few words can create something so beautiful. Great piece!

[Shannon]

Thank you. I like to practice brevity sometime.

[M]

for some reason this poem brings back childhood memories :)

[Shannon]

Thank you for stopping by to read and review. Sounds like good memories.

[William Liston]

Such a vivid poem for such a small length. I loved it, but if I were you, I wouldn't space the lines out so much. Doing so would make it more obvious that it's a haiku, and in my opinion, it would just make it look better in general...but that's just my pet peeve. I thought it was great overall.

-William Liston

[Shannon]

Thank you William. I guess I didn't specify it's a haiku either, did I? The spacing.... There are many opinions on the Café. ☺️

[Shabeeh Haider]

Very short and precise. well done

[Shannon]

I guess I never specify it's a haiku, do I?
Thanks for reading.