The Cellar

The Cellar

A Story by Shannon
"

Childhood Magic

"

"Can we open it today, Grandma?” I ask, even though I’m sure she will say what she always says: “No, not today”. I’m not too disappointed, because I know she is going to tell me another tale.


“Leprechauns don’t like to be surprised,” Grandma whispers, peering over the edge of her glasses at me, with a glint in her eye, while she’s busy mending Grandpa’s shirt.


Granndmmmaa….how would leprechauns get in the cellar? The door is locked.”


She smiles at me, “They are magic and I said they can let themselves in, whenever they want.”


“Why would they want to use your cellar?” I ask.


“Well,” says my grandma, “sometimes they need a safe place to store their gold in between rainbows. So we have a deal. They can use my cellar; I will make sure no one disturbs them or their gold. In return, they give us extra rainbows.”


“Grandma,” I giggle, “Leprechauns don’t make the rainbow, they just put their gold on the end of it. Everyone knows that!”


Grandma again looks over her glasses, this time with a small frown, “How do you know that? Have you ever asked them? Because I have, and they told me: the rainbow appears after the pot of gold. It seems to me they are the ones who would know these things!”


I look at the heavy door, tucked into the corner of the kitchen. It looks like it’s made of wide pieces of wood. It’s narrower than the other doors in the house and has one of those keyholes that you can see through, right to the other side. But when I tried to use a flashlight to look once, Grandma warned me I would scare away the sugar plum fairies, so I haven't tried since.


Grandma has one of those old looking keys to open the door on a rusty key ring, along with a smaller key.


*


Today, I am helping Grandma kneed the bread dough.  Since I am 8 years old now, I can cut off bits to make buns now too!


Grandma tells me, “A special messenger brought me an antique bicycle all the way from Ireland."


“Why do you need a bike from Ireland?” I ask.


“When I was a young woman, and came to Canada, my sister and I lost each other… .”


“How can you lose a sister?”


“My sister went to another country and I didn’t know where.”


“That must have been sad.”


“It was, but we found each other again, remember Aunt Alice?”


I remember Aunt Alice visiting; she talked verrry funny. Grandma tells me the story of Aunt Alice learning to ride a bicycle when they were about my age. I notice her eyes are all shiny, like she might cry, but she is smiling too, so it’s okay.


Grandma says a gargoyle brought a bicycle to her from her sister. But gargoyles turn to stone when the light hits them, and this makes them grumpy, so we can’t open the door today.


*


In the end, all the stories lead to the same conclusion every time: we can’t open the cellar door today, because some magical creature has taken refuge and must not be disturbed.


As I get older, the stories change a bit. The creatures, like the gargoyle, bring odds and ends that Grandma wants more often. A photograph, a pin, the old bicycle. I play along; the cellar must not be usable for some reason, so my grandmother started making up stories. She seems to love telling me them. It becomes a game, of sorts, with me humoring her, as she used to entertain me when I was small.


*


I’m back home from University, for her funeral. Laughter and tears mix, as we all tell stories about our beloved, and sometimes silly, matriarch.


“So, what’s really up with the cellar?” I think to ask.


“What cellar?” my uncle asks.


“Behind the narrow, heavy door in the kitchen that’s always locked.”


“There’s no cellar there.”


“Yes there is. Grandma always told me about it.”


My uncle, realizing which door I mean, gives me my grandmother’s keys, rusty key ring and all. I pause for a moment, realizing I’ve never seen anyone but her in possession of these keys.


I slide the skeleton key into the old brass key hole and slowly turn. The door opens silently and I peer inside to see a tiny broom closet. My eyes well up; there is no cellar.


My uncle puts his hand on my shoulder, shaking his head.


"I thought you knew; Mom just kept her old junk and cleaning supplies in here. She made up the stories because you threw such a tantrum the first time she told you that you weren’t allowed in.”


Losing the champion of my childhood wonder hits me all at once. Clutching the keys to my chest I start to sob.


“What’s the small one for?” I ask, holding out the keys on the ring.


“I don’t know.”


I search the closet with still burning eyes and locate a very small steamer trunk in the far corner. Getting to my knees, I insert the key, which, unlike the closet door, is a little sticky. After a few seconds, the lock clicks and I open the chest.

An envelope, with my name written in a pretty, but simple, script, has been set on the top. Under  are a scattering of seemingly random vintage, antique or just plain old, objects.


Riffling gently through the chest, my eyes are drawn to a deck of handmade playing cards. Each card is painted with a colorful mythical creature. They are all here: leprechauns, gargoyles, sugar plum fairies, unicorns, ogres… all of them. I take note of a charm bracelet with a bicycle charm still attached and a yellowing photograph of a young family standing in front of a wood farm house, amongst all the other treasures Grandma had spun her tales around.

In the letter, my grandmother asks me to care for our history. There, written in her hand, is the history of my family, as told by the objects she carefully collected over a lifetime.

© 2017 Shannon


Author's Note

Shannon
I have made a few adjustments. If its your second read, let me know what you think.

Things have been going well, so why not add another challenge to the mix - dialogue! Any feedback or suggestions welcome.

My Review

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Featured Review

I had a smile on my face every time I read the character of Grandma speaking to you (the narrating character) in this story. This is one of the best short stories I have read, from a sentimental, clever, and intriguing standpoint. I also feel somewhat deprived for not reading it sooner.

I strongly wanted to know what was in the cellar, and I wanted to believe your Grandma was somehow telling the truth as silly as that may sound. Once I realized there wasn't a cellar, I still wanted to believe that somehow her words could be proven true, again, as silly as that may sound. Once the narrator (your character) found that small trunk/chest, I KNEW that she had been telling the truth in some shape or form and I was so happy to read the ending. I found this story to be very enjoyable, well-written, heartwarming, and cleverly executed. I don't know what you had changed from first version, and I am not sure if you're considering changing it again in the future... However, I think the ending is perfect, and it's everything that I wanted even though I wasn't sure what to expect. You captured my interest from start to finish while feeling many emotions throughout this story. There's so much I'd like to quote, but everything past "Riffling gently through the chest" is what blew me way. Even though I was anticipating something, I still wasn't sure what to expect or how it could be executed. The beginning and end are my favorite parts, but I thoroughly enjoyed the story throughout. Remarkably written and expressed, this is my favorite story.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Shannon

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much for reading and sharing your reaction. It is extremely validating to have someone.. read more
Lost, n'MT

8 Years Ago

You're very welcome. I am extremely glad to hear all of that.



Reviews

I like the story. The first five sentences made me laugh. There are a few sentences that I had to read over though, so I would adjust them if it was me.

This is the first one
- Grandma has one of those old looking keys with a fancy handle for it on a rusty key ring, along with a smaller, flat key.
It strays too far in the paragraph and I didn't have any idea what it was. The reference point was too far.
- It feels like some of the tenses are off, but I can't seem to locate them after I took another look, so it must not have been too bad.
- I love that you start off writing it like the little girl and then you finish it as an adult. I would have liked to see a visual cue that you were switching ages. I've been told a space suffices, but again, this is just nit picking for the sake of a proper review.

As always, take or leave what I've said, it's a good story. Who am I to judge your creativity.

James Whitefall

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


Shannon

8 Years Ago

I always appreciate honest feedback. And a chance to grow. Thank you very much James.
This is a charming piece and you have captured the essence of wonderful memories that some are fortunate enough to have of their grandmothers. It's a piece that certainly made me think back to occasions in my childhood when I could not wait so bursting with curiosity was I. For me, the most important thing is the plot and you have that down pat. Other issues are minor and easily corrected on editing.
1) I would encourage you to go through the piece and see what adjectives you can delete -- trust the reader to fill in some blanks. For example, "“Can we open it today, Grandma?” I ask eagerly, even though I am sure that she will say what she always says: “No, not today”. My disappointment is tempered by the fantastic tale I know she is going to tell me." -- see what happens if you remove "eagerly" and "fantastic." As the tale unfolds, the reader knows it is fantastic, but you give it away too early by summarizing. The same with "eagerly". The reader can sense that the child is eager and some can actually see the child hopping from one foot to the other, moving around to be in Grandma's face.
2) "Grandma gives me a serious look" -- "serious look" is bland and again summarizing, why not describe what Grandma was doing that conveyed "a serious look." Did she look over her spectacles and purse her lips? Or wrinkle her brow?
3) Just a stylistic thing, but short paragraphs make it easier for the reader and Heaven only knows, we need to make it easy for the reader -- that group is fickle and finicky.
4) For me the transition from childhood story to coming home from university for Grandma's funeral needs a little polishing. As is, it feels abrupt.
5) I love the tender scene at the end where the granddaughter discovers the treasure trove of family history and the symbol of the Grandmother's affection.
6) "I search the closet with me still burning eyes, as though it has answers." No need for "as though it has answers." Again, trust the reader to understand. They really like to be trusted. When you state the obvious, they get their feathers up. It also slows down the read.
All around, really nice story. It restores my faith in mankind.


This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


Shannon

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much! Things to think about and re explore, for sure. The transition gave me pause t.. read more
Taylor

8 Years Ago

Great revision. I love this little story. It's so sweet. Every grandmother would love to be remem.. read more
Shannon

8 Years Ago

Thanks for coming back to gave a look. I think it feels more like my voice now. Two things: I am p.. read more
Excellent: Almost made me cry. My Grandmother was a real character as well and I miss her and her pies. There is nothing to critique here. Your story line is tight. Your conversation realistic. A very good write and a very good read. Wolf_Lord ,'', ^@@^ ,'', but my frns call me Wolf and I hope you will be one.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Shannon

8 Years Ago

I love how people relate to this one in all kinds of ways. It's a pleasure to meet you Wolf. Do you.. read more
Wolf_Lord

8 Years Ago

Yes. No-one has critiqued my 'A swan by any other Name' chapter 1. I would appreciate an opinion. .. read more
Shannon

8 Years Ago

I will give it a try. Do you use the mail or read request parts of the site. I sent you a message .. read more
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Compartment 114
Compartment 114
Deeply moving. I love the surprise of no cellar quickly followed by the discovery of the precious collection of objects. I can see truth in the old lady's wish to take care of the family history. Her immortality project.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Shannon

8 Years Ago

Thank you for the read and positive feedback. You don't know probably, but this was a stretch for .. read more
Philip Muls

8 Years Ago

A job well done!
I have nothing but praise, S. a touching story about the dearest of our relatives. everything's fine with this short one. dialogue, narration and ending. way to go, S.!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Shannon

8 Years Ago

Thank you. This simple little sappy tale was an extreme stretch for me. Appreciate the feedback.
That is a nice story. I see you are using your imagination more. The dialog works. Looks like you made good use of the most beautiful combination of words (cellar door).

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Shannon

8 Years Ago

Thank you for reading and checking out my dialogue. Was trying to find the least expected use of tho.. read more
Awww!!!! Isn't it beautiful? Grandmothers are always special... Their stories are as mysterious as it gets but they fill our child hearts with wonder and excitement... You have described it as it happened and how you have experienced it and that's the most beautiful thing of this story... Such a adorable one... If I were in your place, I don't think I would have had the patience to wait to see the cellar...

Sincerely
Dhiman

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


Shannon

8 Years Ago

Thank you for the review. I was trying to capture a bit of that magic.
aww...i really like this one...please tell me it based on truth?? no criticisms or suggestions from me, i love it just as it is...excellent!!!!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 8 Years Ago


Shannon

8 Years Ago

On one hand, I am sorry to say there is not a lick of truth in it. On the other, it is my first .. read more
hcarson

8 Years Ago

I REALLY LIKED IT..HENCE I SO WANTED IT TO BE TRUE AS IT'S SUCH A NICE CONCEPT...APOLOGIES FOR CAPIT.. read more
Shannon

8 Years Ago

Lol. Glad to know that you aren't yelling! Of course I have no idea where such a sweet idea came f.. read more

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Added on May 7, 2016
Last Updated on January 8, 2017

Author

Shannon
Shannon

Canada



About
I like to explore the world through the human experience, at once both varied and singular. Reading, writing and meeting people makes one's world larger. I enjoy connecting with people, learning.. more..

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