Contest

Slippery skin, swishing tails

Fisher’s fantasy

Casting line after line

Lures virtual chameleons

Lives collide

Battle ensues

Victory

Author's Note

Key words integrated. I always admire those who have an economy of words, so thought I would try to pull back. Did it work?
Comments and constructive feedback always welcome.

Reviews

[Stan Lee]

The first two lines were brilliant. The use of alliteration at it's best! I was thrown by "Lures virtual chameleons" might consider saying 'Lures are virtual chameleons' ? So that dummies like me don't start thinking that you're luring a chameleon ;)
Lots of great descriptive language. Nice poem S.Mi!

[Shannon]

Thanks! May look at changing it, was worried Ir would interrupt flow and make that line very long in comparison.

[barleygirl]

I disagree . . . . reading "lures" as a verb!

[Shabeeh Haider]

Pretty much abstract here. It gets the readers imagination soaring . The reader can almost see the contest.
You have a way with words. Amazing.

*shabeeh*

[barleygirl]

What makes this little slice of life so meaningful is becuz it's chock-full of imagery! Great action words like "swishing" and "casting" and "lures" . . . I can almost see the fight. Yes, I love an economy of words, which requires selecting words with lots of meaning & visualization, which you've done perfectly.

[Shannon]

That you it was a stretch for sure!

[Woody]

I'm always amazed at the ability of certain poets here to create a perfectly complete picture with a minimum of words. this a brilliant tableau easily pictured by the reader.
beautiful, Shannon.

[Shannon]

Thank you. You have no idea how challenging it was for me to cut back my words. Actually, come to think of it, you probably do....

[Woody]

haha I think I do :)

[Shannon]

I meant you know me a bit, so you understand, but I guess that easily could have been teasing you, too, couldn't it?

[Woody]

I didn't understand it as teasing. I know you can be quite talkative when you want to.

[Shannon]

Good. Because I did mean me!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, it worked...and for one who loves fishing, you captured the thrill of the anticipation, that swirl in the water, the lure dancing...the mouth opening, the strike, the hook, the battle.

[Shannon]

Thank you, I do find it hard to pull back and not explain everything, so your words are very encouraging. I am also learning to be excited by the interpretations of others, which used to worry me.

[Bacchus]

First- lets acknowledge you are entering the poetic realm... which you have been so unsure of...
fun, isn't it?!

Second- I've got two things on the brain with this write
-the first of the two is salmon
-the second is contests on this site

Salmon their real fight towards their battle upstream... and a fisherman's or maybe just the dinner's dream.

Contests on this site- throw out what a few random words- get everybody swimming and fighting for the prize. And poets become chameleons of every kind- instead of inspired by a write... until there is a winner.

Interesting, fun... you are bringing us places!

[Shannon]

Still unsure Bacchus. I get a little prodding sometimes, so keep going. And frankly the feedback is really positive. So I guess thank you for the warm welcome.
I haven't entered a contest yet, just some fun challenges with friends (that's actually how most of the poems happen. I was going for a very abstract, open ended concept. learning to allow for ambiguity. Oh yes and thank you for the read and review.

[Bacchus]

well done on open and abstract!

[Inject Positivity]

Less words with a vivid imagery... Loved the choice of words, telling a story, like a battle to earn something... Leaves the reader thinking about the battle and who could have been the winner.... Lovely....

Sincerely
Dhiman

[Shannon]

Thank you. Stretching my brain everyday....

[busterlee]

Wow, It's a fisherman's poem. I notice that there is no indication of who the victor is. I like that.
Nice.

[Shannon]

Thank you. I am trying to get more comfortable with ambiguity and people choosing how to read my pieces. Title? Considered battle, a few other things. Did not want obvious fishing.