North

where the line between us in blurred

As you travel north... The cities and farmer’s fields give way to trees and small towns.  Eventually thinning to become hard snow covered desert tundra, though we are not going that far today.  The concept of time starts to flex, with days stretching to unheard of lengths in the summer and shrinking to scraps of mid day sunlight in the winter. It is a place where people stop desperately trying to beat time into submission but accept its passing as inevitable. A place where civilized conversation is replaced by humor and camaraderie.  Where even the ground becomes smaller, reduced to a few bare inches of soil covering a rocky shield over the land, in which all living things cling to life. And the sky becomes magnificently huge, without lights to damage nature’s beauty, she even sometimes shows us the colors of aurora borealis.  This is where I met her.

As we go into the store/post office/coffee shop/bait and tackle/laundromat for directions, I can see that we stand out. But the people are accepting of that, and we are as well.  The campgrounds are just down the road, take a left at the fork. They are newly built, along with the permanent highway that recently replaced the ice-road.  The outhouses still smell of paint, a pleasant surprise, especially in the July heat. We set up our temporary living quarters, noting no one else is around. The sounds of insects and dogs follow us into sleep.

The following morning, a local man, dressed in an official parks department shirt, a pair of crisp jeans and work boots, stops by to teach us about our new, if temporary home.  We introduce ourselves.

“Call me Charlie,” he tells us, tilting his head in a slight nod. “You’re the first visitors since the road got built. Lets see…..what do ya need to know….?”  He looks down, scratching his temple, before looking back in our direction. “You can swim down that way, off the dock,” Charlie tilts his head in the direction of a wide path through the trees two sites down from the one we have chosen. “I’ll pick up garbage every two days, but you need to take it down there,” he turns his whole body, so we can see the cans at the end of the row and thrusts his head in their direction, in lieu of pointing, “So the bears and other critters don't come too close.”

I am sure my eyes get wide as he says this, but it reminds me of a question,“Were those wolves or dogs barking last night?”

Charlie’s face lights up, either amusement or fondness, “Dogs, mostly.  Old timers put the sled teams on a few islands.  Stay out there, too, sometimes.  Keeps ‘em safe from wolves and bears. They sure do make a racket at night,” he chuckles.

“Here,” he says, walking towards the outhouse, quick movement of his head telling us to follow.  The telephone pole beside the basic toilet has a grey box attached. Charlie opens the metal cover, revealing a telephone inside, “It’s the emergency phone.  Goes to my cabin.”

“The store has pay showers,” he continues, gaining momentum, “Need quarters, but they'll sell ‘em to ya. Might wanna bring a few cleaning supplies, to use before, just in case.”

During our stay, we notice that people frequently drive around the single loop that comprises the camp area, before turning down the other fork in the road. One day when Charlie comes by to say hello and pick up the garbage, we ask him about it.

He tells us there are two things down the road.  People still get water from the crystal clear lake down there, even though they have been told it contains bacteria and a water system has been built.

“And berry picking. Lowbush,” he clarifies. “Pick what you want.  It's early; not as many people will be out, ‘cause they are sour. Sometimes bears come around. Drop your berries and back up.  Those lazy devils will chase you for ‘em. They don't come this close to town much, but berries are tempting.”

Blueberries are one of the first plants to repopulate after a wildfire. There was one many years ago, but since the earth is shallow and things grow slowly, these bushes have been bountiful for more than a decade.

That evening after supper, we slather on the sun screen, since it will be daylight for hours yet. We drive the car a few miles down a washboard dirt road until we reach a place where there are no trees, just grass and bushes.  The berries hang from the branches, as thick as grapes, though not nearly as big.  Many are still green, but on the tops of the bushes, where the sun hits first, they are a rich purple blue colour.  When I taste one, the flavour tart and sweet and so strong, bursts in my mouth.  We begin picking in earnest, spreading out to give ourselves space.

Sometimes we call to each other, to make sure we have not become lost or wandered too far.  We are convinced all the noise we are making will keep the wild things who are sharing this forest with us away.

Greener pastures, or in this case, bluer berries, draws us in different directions, lengthening the distance between us.  I look up and meet eyes peering out at me from the edge of the forest. The steep angle of the sun in this part of the country, means it's rays are both casting very long shadows and getting in my eyes.  I take a few steps forward, to get a clearer look, out of the harsh rays.  She does as well.

We meet in the clearing, a bare ten feet between us, regarding each other with wary interest. Her gaze is unwavering, I can feel her seeing me. I have a moment of clarity.  While this does not look like any wolf I have seen, with her smooth white coat; she is much larger than any dog and is probably a wild animal.

Charlie told us what to do in the case of bears, but not wild dogs.  So I stare in awe, as my mind freezes under her scrutiny. After a few brief moments that seem to defy time, as I understand it, she lowers her head and chest towards the ground, then gives a short bark, before leaving in the direction from which she came.

I, too, run the way I came, relating my tale. We decide it might be wise to pack it in for the day, rather than risk further contact with the local fauna.  We feast on berries and cream that night before falling into a deep sleep, both tired from the day's adventures and sated from the treat.

Charlie stops in the next day, to pick up garbage.  He likes to talk, as do we.

“Weather’s going to turn cool, and the berries are ripe, good picking,” he says, tipping his head towards the fork that leads to where the roads splits.  Our neighborhood will be busy.  “Most people’re friendly, but call me if you have any problems.”

Charlie’s warning spurs me to ask him about my encounter.

I ask, “Do the dogs and wolves ever mix?”

"Sometimes, but we try to put those ones down, mess with the balance. Why?”

I explain my encounter: “She was too big to be a dog, I think, and not the color of any wolf I have ever seen. She stood and watched me for a long time, in the clearing.  Didn’t seems afraid, just sort of bowed her chest and walked away.” Thinking I did not relate the feeling or the story very well, I look to Charlie.

He regards me silently, eyes meeting mine, the look on his face indecipherable.  He responds simply: “mahihkaniwiw” - she is wolf.

Author's Note

All constructive feedback welcome.

This is a pretty significant rewrite from the first version posted, although the story itself is the same. Hopefully more showing, less telling makes the story more alive.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Your story is very delightful & not too long at all. Just the right length. Your descriptions are full of vivid details & it's easy to visualize everything as we read along. It's almost like taking a vacation myself, you've done such a good job of letting us get to know this area, not just the sights, but also the people, the fauna, the activities, etc. There are a number of tiny spelling issues & such, but nothing too distracting.

[Shannon]

Thank you very much for the kind review. I am glad the descriptive language lands well for people. The place is real, and so different from what most people have experienced, I thought the details help one know that place.
I swear I am an excellent proof reader - of other people's work!

[Jon Roggie]

I live a bit south. The blackberries seem to come back faster after a fire. Not so many wolves, or bears,
but you have to watch out for the javelina. Those can be nasty. The main thing was mountain lions. Nice write. I can picture the land.

[Shannon]

I don't think I have ever seen blackberries grow wild here it up there. Thanks for the read and review. The last line of your review in particular means a lot.

[Papaya]

I loved the story because a) I am Canadian and can totally relate b) I could totally see it and c) it reminds me of the area around Bon Echo and Mazinaw Lake around the Canadian Shield. Is it? That would be just too big a fluke if I guessed that since this could be any small rural town.

[Shannon]

Sorry. Nothern Saskatchewan. Compliments like "b" always get me.

[Papaya]

Oh bummer!! I was sure it was northern Ontario! :)
I know they always get you and you're such a great writer.
Maybe there's an inner eye or third eye in your heart or something.

[Shannon]

Sometimes it's just remembering that other people like to hear those details. Then finding out if what I say has any meaning to all you visual people 😉

[Lost, n'MT]

This was an insightful and descriptive story that shed some light on a mysterious world up north that I don't know anything about. You painted a detailed picture for me, and it feels like I'm experiencing this without physically being there or having any previous knowledge. I am able to visualize all your descriptions even though I have never been to any place similar. Minus bacteria in the water, it sounds like a very lovely place.

I appreciate and admire the line, " It is a place where people stop desperately trying to beat time into submission, but accept its passing as inevitable"

I have fantasized in the past about being able to live in the mountains or a desolate area where I can enjoy nature and escape from places where I could never relate to. Thank you for sharing this piece as it allows me to fantasize about another peaceful and tranquil place that I can escape to in mind. I found this comforting to read, and I enjoyed the detailed imagery.

I wouldn't be against cutting it down, but I personally don't think you cut out the scenery. The scenery is really good the way it is, in my opinion.

Also, "We feast on berries and cream that night before falling into a deep sleep, both tired from the days’ adventures and sated from the exquisite treat." is much an eloquently written line that I find very impressive. Found this to be a enjoyable story, thank you for recommending.

[Shannon]

I am glad you enjoyed this. It was my first attempt at really tackling a visual story, as such. So to say you were able to get a feel for the place is extremely gratifying, as are the places you chose to compliment.

[Lost, n'MT]

Wow, I wouldn't have guessed this was your first attempt. Definitely, I am even more impressed and was unaware of that going in. I prefer and really enjoyed "Swim", but I still surprised that this was your first attempt. You have every right to feel gratified, even more impressive that I had initially thought.

[Shannon]

The story was in my head for a week. Driving me crazy, how to start it. That first paragraph hit my brain one night almost completely written.

[Lost, n'MT]

Interesting, it had never crossed my mind that there was any detractors to writing this story as nothing felt forced. However, I wonder if that any affect on the flow, though learning this was your first attempt could explain that. Did you have similar struggles with "Swim"? I loved how that flowed, but I still liked this even thought it didn't standout as much as "Swim". Either way, the fact that this was your first visual story makes me believe that you continue to improve and better grasp the visuals in your writings. Very intrigued to see you continue to progress, though both were enjoyable reads.

[Shannon]

Thank you again.

[Lost, n'MT]

You're welcome, S. Mi.

[LastMonth]

A solid, enjoyble way to transfer your memory to us.
I don't think it is too long, because this is a memory being retold. (Even if it is a fiction, and not a real memory.)

The Climax, the encounter with the wolf is unexpected. But it does not come out of the blue. You do well to leave a trail of breadcrumbs, especially when you hint at the appearences of bears and the raw nature of the wild.

The last bit in particular leaves the reader with a taste for more. Which is my only slight against this story. I feel like I need to know what comes next. Or at least, I want to know. The Wolf/Dog seems like a fascinating focal point and I'd love to hear about her from Charlie.

[Shannon]

Thank you so much for the thoughtful review. I personally feel like this piece represented some growth for me as a writer, when it was written.
I think leaving them wanting more is supposed to be a good thing. Lol. Delving further into Charlie and the wolf would require more knowledge of the Indigenous people of the area than I have. I could do some research. But I am not sure that one is my story to tell.

[Dave]

Your story telling leaves nothing to question. I easily picture where you are, not only the sights, but the sounds and smells. I am curious about the encounter with the wolf. In the future will he reappear?

[Shannon]

Thank you. I love this one, too. Now that you have read Aphantasia, you may understand what a gift a review like this is.
The wolf... Who knows. I do not have a collection of writing to post. Write as I go.

[Dave]

It's taken me a while, to say the least, to get back to this. I still am fascinated by your encounter with the wolf. I don't know about you, but it seems that like me you have a natural affinity for dogs and or wolves. I so easily picture this animal in my minds eye. Somehow I get the impression this was not a "made up" segment, but that you are relating man actual event.

[Shannon]

I tend not to tell people which parts of this one are real. But there are bits of both in this particular one.

Thank you for stopping by to read.

[Stan Lee]

How did I manage to miss this one? A charming little story. In fact at first glance it seemed quite lengthy but then I found once I started reading your story captivated me and I reached the end more quickly than I had anticipated. The way you tell stories with such simplicity is very appealing.
:) Another one well done S.Mi!

[Shannon]

Thank you very much. I am so thrilled that you enjoyed it. I am pretty wordy and worried that being more descriptive might create an unwieldy story. To hear it described as captivating motivates me so much to keep improving.

[mattavelli]

Hey, I enjoyed this story. Seems The North itself is your main character. There are some beautifully descriptive lines. My favorites were the blueberry bushes.

Here are a couple odd sentences. :p
-"We ask our parks person, who we have been since told to call Charlie, about it."
-"This close to the town site bears are rare, but it does happen."

[Shannon]

Will definitely have a look at them. Thanks for the read (especially since it is a story)

[Woody]

you tell the story in such a way that the reader has no difficulty following you wherever you go.
interesting setting and people. I like this one S. really good.

[Shannon]

Thank you, I have been hearing a bit about my voice as a writer lately.
I haven't been very many places. But I guess the places I have been lend themselves to my kind of story telling.

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

Well, first I love the story. You have penned it with the same description and realism that is your voice. Your use of “mahihkaniwiw” gives an added dimension to this. I wonder , since you used this word, if there is more to this wolf than meets the eye...another story in that word perhaps. Nice.

[Shannon]

Thank you for stopping by and the kind review. It's strikes me that I already have a voice in my writing, after a few months of writing.

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

Indeed you do! Congratulations! :)

[Taylor]

I sauntered on over to take a look at your work after your generous review of one of my stories. The journey was worth it. I like the use of the first person present to give immediacy and intimacy. Initially it seemed like a travelogue with lush language describing an increasingly barren environment, but then you knocked the reader on the head with, "This is where I met her." So my ears perked up a bit. "Now there's more here than meets the eye," I said to meself.

I enjoyed some of the fresh images -- "the outhouses still smelled of paint", "the sounds of insects and dogs follow us into sleep" and others. When you write so simply, originally and eloquently, a cliché smacks the reader right in the face -- I rebelled when the park custodian showed the protagonist "the lay of the land." I don't need to show you the ropes; you can figure your way around that one yourself, I'm sure.

Towards the end, you introduce the fact that the narrator is traveling with a group of some sort -- in several places. Yes and you had used the first person plural earlier. However, the introduction of group was a little jarring for me; made me try to sort it out since earlier I had assumed that the narrator was with one other person. I think I deduced that because in the post office/everything shop, he acknowledges that he looked odd to the locals -- but he doesn't mention anything about the group he's with.

I'm not sure about the meaning of these two sentences: "About standing and watching. The bow before leaving." I think they truncated a bit too much for the reader to really grasp what Charlie's reaction is. I like the ending, but I also must admit that I went scurrying for my handy Cree dictionary and of course found there, the meaning you delineated. Not certain whether that's a good or a bad thing.

All said, for me this is a little gem. I love the blueberry picking, the awareness of the present danger of bears and the surprise encounter with a wolf. I also like the enigmatic ending which clearly affected the narrator far into the future, so representative of the clash between reality and literally the twilight zone.

[Shannon]

Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate the the time you have taken to review. I will learn much from it. The reality / twilight thing very perceptive. It is a real place, not a real encounter. There were wolves around but our contact with them was much less majestic. I will look at the cliché for sure (although words much like it are spoken throughout that part of the country). I asked someone I know who speaks Cree, who gave me the same word, but does not write the language. So I looked up a potential spelling and sent it too them for approval. The group. I thought about expanding on it, but wanted story to be about the place, not the people. I am considering rewording for to imply a couple. It's a helpful observation. Thanks again.

[Shannon]

Oh, except Cree uses "he" for male and female, but they often use both he and she when they translate for clarity.

[Taylor]

Thanks for te clarification. I thought of an easy way to get around the cliche "lay of the land." Just quote Charlie. In fact I think that using more dialogue instead of describing what was said might be something to consider. On a different vein, I'm writing a short story now with lots of word play; will let you know when I post it.

[Shannon]

One of the reasons I made the story about the place, rather then the people, is I was avoiding dialogue. That was not a conscious choice on my part. But it is true none the less. I have a funny relationship with dialogue. I really enjoy reading it, but hate to write it!
I did make changes, both to the cliché and crated a dyad of my group this morning.
I will look for your story, for certain. Feel free to send a read request. I do not get inundated with them, so far, so they never get lost in the shuffle.