The Stars are Beautiful

An Immigration Story

May 22, 1931
We are going, today, on the boat. It is so much bigger than the boats in the lake where I live - where I used to live - and I feel tiny next to it. My dad calls it a ship. We are going to our new home, which is so far away that we had to use a map at the library to see it! In one hand, I hold one of my little brother’s hands, in the other, the suit case we share. My brother is excited by all the activity; I have to hold him tightly so he doesn’t run off or get lost. The line takes a very long time.

When we get on the ship, we go down, down, down. It is very dark. Our room has two big beds in it. It will be crowded with my mom, dad and brothers all sharing. There is no sitting room, no kitchen to cook in. We have to get food when the cooks make it. And no garden to play in! My mother reminds me that it is only for a week. And that there will be lots of space in our new place.

May 23, 1931

Caring for my brothers is getting hard. We all cough a lot. The smell is terrible. Like too many people and old food. My mother is now sick, with a fever. The nurse gave her something to help. My dad is caring for her, so I must care for my four brothers. I have done this many times before, but not in such a small space.

May 24, 1931

This morning one of the porters came to talk to my dad. He told my father that it is not good for us to be inside all the time with the sickness. He knows a deck where he can take us outside after dark, but we would need to be quiet. My dad says he will think about the offer. After he leaves, I ask my father why he doesn’t say yes. He says there are adult things to consider.

May 25, 1931

My father must has considered all those things! Last night the porter came for us. I only took two brothers, as they are small and I can hold their hands, to keep them from running off. But I didn’t need to worry. We climbed up, up up so many stairs that they were tired when we arrived at the final door. The porter told us to be very quiet; children in our class are not allowed on the decks. I asked dad later what it meant, but he said it didn’t matter

When the door opened, it was very dark. My brothers and I looked out and could feel the cold wind on our faces. They both smiled into the night. We stepped out. The porter closed the door behind us. I heard the lock slip into place. The area we were in was small, surrounded by large machines and sheds on all sides. But when I looked up, I could see the stars. They were so bright and beautiful. I showed my brothers and even the tiny one, William, just two years old, stared for a long time. The porter came back and took us back - way down to our stinky room

My father says tonight I can take my other two brothers if we all behave! I dreamed about the stars all night.

May 26, 1931

The porter came for us today, after we were already lying in bed. I was afraid dad wouldn’t let us go. But after my mother reminded him that the fresh air night will keep us healthy, dad agreed. I quickly got my other two brothers out of bed and we followed the porter. Again way up, so many stairs. I think we took a different way this time. Nothing looked familiar. Once we had to stop and wait in a hall for someone to pass. The porter looked nervous, so I kept my brothers very quiet.

This time the deck was very dark, after the porter left us. We couldn’t see my stars. My brother John complained that he wanted to run and pulled on my hand, but I didn't let go. Slowly, the clouds began to move and those stars came out, one by one. Painting the night sky with light. So beautiful, we all stood and stared. The porter came too soon, although the crick in my neck told me we had maybe been staring for a while.

The porter told my dad he would not be back tomorrow, as the crew will be getting ready for our arrival to Canada and the deck will not be empty. My mother starting to recover from her fever, thanked him for keeping us from getting sick. He smiled and left.

Author's Note

This is based on the story my great aunt told me about her immigration to Canada. My grandfather is the 2 year old.
Let me know if the diary format works, please. New way of story telling for me.

Reviews

[Taylor]

I like the concept of telling the story from the child's eyes. It is an interesting piece and worth further development, especially since it is from your family's own experience. As it is, it feels unfinished, so I'm anxious to see the conclusion. I don't have any real suggestions -- generally like the voice. I would like to see some attention to the senses -- what the child sees and feels (not just emotionally but tactilely). Perhaps a little more description of the surroundings -- more about the mother and father and their engagement with the children. Something about the boat/ship dipping in the sea; the wind. Just more appeal to the senses so the reader can experience what it was like to be there.

[Shannon]

Thank you, Taylor, do much. I left it unfinished deliberately. But enough people have commented, I may have to remedy that. There were two reasons. I wanted it to be just a story about a family immigrating, a little generic. Left the departure point off for that reason too. Also, the great aunt who told be about it was in her mid 90's and I couldn't get more from her. The more I write, the further into supposition I go. But I can head that direction. If I add more of the sensory language, would you accept a read request to have a second look.
I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the time, energy and expertise you put into these reviews!

[Taylor]

By all means send along a read request.

[Stan Lee]

This was a great little write. I was glad that it had a happy ending. (especially when I read that it is a true story). Very nice of you to share this story from your aunt. :)

[Shannon]

Thank you! I may have elaborated extensively!

[busterlee]

I didn't think it was fiction. I thought you might try and fool me but the details made it real. Your Great Aunt must have been a good story teller. I could read more. It's fascinating.

[Shannon]

My great aunt is still with us... I may have embellished the details..

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

I really enjoyed this and thought the diary format worked perfectly! Great insight into how it must have been. There are a few typos that tripped me up a bit, but I only mention that as it is such a wonderful story and they are easily fixed.

[Shannon]

Thank you. Must get to the typos!

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

Love your stories. You have a way.

[barleygirl]

I see Dhiman pointed out typos (below) which haven't been corrected, so I'll just say that reading your story is a little distracting becuz of mistakes. When a reviewer takes time to help, it's a slap in the face when you don't make any corrections.

Your storytelling is strong in this piece, & the writing sounds childlike in a good way, reflecting the ages of the family. I think this is an important part of your family history, so it's great that you wrote it down for future generations to understand what difficult things people go thru to find a place where they can better thrive in their lives. I like that the bleak conditions had this one bright spot (seeing the stars), which symbolizes the hope this family must've been carrying with them, along with their meager possessions.

[Shannon]

Dhiman knows I am grateful. I only make changes from desktop. Using phone often leads to further complications...

[barleygirl]

OK, I apologize for hasty opening comment. I see there hasn't been much time for you to make corrections anyhow. I was reacting to other experiences . . . thanks for understanding.

[Shannon]

Done and done.

[Inject Positivity]

I really loved the style you employed here to tell the story, this is such an innocent piece of story. There are quite amazing descriptions about the setting of the story which I think the highlight of the story along with story... The imagination definitely spoke to me and I felt like I was gazing at the stars... I would have loved to know what the adult thing was... Very well organized and I felt I was reading an important part of someone's diary.... Very enjoyable...

Now for the little printing mistakes, I will try my best to point out them...
1) in the first paragraph in the line "which is so far away we had to use a map" if you use "that" after the word "away" I feel it will look better .
2) in the third Para in the sentence "caring for my brothers in getting hard" I think you wanted to write "is" in place of "in"
3) in the fifth Para in the line "to keep them form running off", "form" should be "from"
4) in the sixth Para in the line "the area we are in in small" I think you intended to write as "the area we are in is small"
5) in the same Para in the sentence "William, just two years old, started for a long time" I think "started" could be "stared".

Really enjoyed reading it...

[Shannon]

Thank you. Proof reading... Sigh

[Shannon]

I have two ideas for the adult thing. The first was that maybe they had to pay him for taking the children up. The second is safety. Who knows what could have happened to the children. But that is just speculation.

[Inject Positivity]

I feel the second one may be the reason, going out on another deck maybe unsafe for them...