The Stars are Beautiful

An Immigration Story

May 22, 1931
We are going, today, on the boat. It is so much bigger than the boats in the lake where I live - where I used to live - and I feel tiny next to it. My dad calls it a ship. We are going to our new home, which is so far away that we had to use a map at the library to see it! In one hand, I hold one of my little brother’s hands, in the other, the suit case we share. My brother is excited by all the activity; I have to hold him tightly so he doesn’t run off or get lost. The line takes a very long time.

When we get on the ship, we go down, down, down. It is very dark. Our room has two big beds in it. It will be crowded with my mom, dad and brothers all sharing. There is no sitting room, no kitchen to cook in. We have to get food when the cooks make it. And no garden to play in! My mother reminds me that it is only for a week. And that there will be lots of space in our new place.

May 23, 1931

Caring for my brothers is getting hard. We all cough a lot. The smell is terrible. Like too many people and old food. My mother is now sick, with a fever. The nurse gave her something to help. My dad is caring for her, so I must care for my four brothers. I have done this many times before, but not in such a small space.

May 24, 1931

This morning one of the porters came to talk to my dad. He told my father that it is not good for us to be inside all the time with the sickness. He knows a deck where he can take us outside after dark, but we would need to be quiet. My dad says he will think about the offer. After he leaves, I ask my father why he doesn’t say yes. He says there are adult things to consider.

May 25, 1931

My father must has considered all those things! Last night the porter came for us. I only took two brothers, as they are small and I can hold their hands, to keep them from running off. But I didn’t need to worry. We climbed up, up up so many stairs that they were tired when we arrived at the final door. The porter told us to be very quiet; children in our class are not allowed on the decks. I asked dad later what it meant, but he said it didn’t matter

When the door opened, it was very dark. My brothers and I looked out and could feel the cold wind on our faces. They both smiled into the night. We stepped out. The porter closed the door behind us. I heard the lock slip into place. The area we were in was small, surrounded by large machines and sheds on all sides. But when I looked up, I could see the stars. They were so bright and beautiful. I showed my brothers and even the tiny one, William, just two years old, stared for a long time. The porter came back and took us back - way down to our stinky room

My father says tonight I can take my other two brothers if we all behave! I dreamed about the stars all night.

May 26, 1931

The porter came for us today, after we were already lying in bed. I was afraid dad wouldn’t let us go. But after my mother reminded him that the fresh air night will keep us healthy, dad agreed. I quickly got my other two brothers out of bed and we followed the porter. Again way up, so many stairs. I think we took a different way this time. Nothing looked familiar. Once we had to stop and wait in a hall for someone to pass. The porter looked nervous, so I kept my brothers very quiet.

This time the deck was very dark, after the porter left us. We couldn’t see my stars. My brother John complained that he wanted to run and pulled on my hand, but I didn't let go. Slowly, the clouds began to move and those stars came out, one by one. Painting the night sky with light. So beautiful, we all stood and stared. The porter came too soon, although the crick in my neck told me we had maybe been staring for a while.

The porter told my dad he would not be back tomorrow, as the crew will be getting ready for our arrival to Canada and the deck will not be empty. My mother starting to recover from her fever, thanked him for keeping us from getting sick. He smiled and left.

Author's Note

This is based on the story my great aunt told me about her immigration to Canada. My grandfather is the 2 year old.
Let me know if the diary format works, please. New way of story telling for me.

Reviews

[Taylor]

I like the concept of telling the story from the child's eyes. It is an interesting piece and worth further development, especially since it is from your family's own experience. As it is, it feels unfinished, so I'm anxious to see the conclusion. I don't have any real suggestions -- generally like the voice. I would like to see some attention to the senses -- what the child sees and feels (not just emotionally but tactilely). Perhaps a little more description of the surroundings -- more about the mother and father and their engagement with the children. Something about the boat/ship dipping in the sea; the wind. Just more appeal to the senses so the reader can experience what it was like to be there.

[Shannon]

Thank you, Taylor, do much. I left it unfinished deliberately. But enough people have commented, I may have to remedy that. There were two reasons. I wanted it to be just a story about a family immigrating, a little generic. Left the departure point off for that reason too. Also, the great aunt who told be about it was in her mid 90's and I couldn't get more from her. The more I write, the further into supposition I go. But I can head that direction. If I add more of the sensory language, would you accept a read request to have a second look.
I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the time, energy and expertise you put into these reviews!

[Taylor]

By all means send along a read request.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

"The Stars are Beautiful"
Shannon,
It takes bravery to write like this, at least to me. I really like the concept of giving these folks (your great grandmother as a younger woman and your grandfather as a little one) the experience of traveling and how they felt about it reality. My great grandmother came from Kristiana (Oslo) in 1800s and many within my larger family unit have been doing geneology searches for a very long time. We have a few stories. Anyway I loved this and was very inspired to see your family come to life.
Blessings,
Kathy

[Samuel Dickens]

Family stories such as this are pure gold, and I'm so glad to see you preserve this one. Though the younger ones around you may pay little attention to this now, there'll come a time when they'll see the value. (I base that on my own metamorphosis from uncaring/indifferent youngster to fervent researcher of family history) The diary format works fine, I think. A valuable snapshot of the event, well-written and told.

[Shannon]

Thank you. I have a few more to get on paper. Appreciate the feedback.

[Jacob Clifford]

I like the concept and the diary format. I like the fitting details of the time (large families, sickness aboard the ship).

[Shannon]

Thanks, Clifford. Some of the details were true, others educated guess.

[Francisco]

A touching story, through the eyes of a child. An indelible memory of the starry sky, amid the suffering of his sick mother and the harsh conditions of the trip.
Thank you for this piece full of tenderness.

[Shannon]

Thank you Fransisco. I am glad you felt it.

[Papaya]

I really enjoyed this and like the diary format. I love true stories like this.
I'm an immigrant to Canada. Don't remember the journey. It was by plane and I was also about two.
This would be such a treasure to leave behind, a family history.

[Shannon]

Thanks Papaya. My grandfather doesn't recall either. But his sister does. Three of my grandparents were immigrants.

[Papaya]

You're welcome. :)
It's good the stories get passed down.

[Lost, n'MT]

"My dad says he will think about the offer. After he leaves, I ask my father why he doesn’t say yes. He says there are adult things to consider."

A powerful line inducing powerful thoughts and feelings.

"I asked dad later what it meant but he said it didn’t matter. " also stood out to me as powerful as well.

"My brothers and I looked out and could feel the cold wind on our faces. They both smiled widely. " Very powerful thought-inducing images which I greatly enjoyed

I also enjoyed the references of the stars and looking at the stars.

I greatly enjoyed the child-like perspective of describing the amount of the steps going up up up and down down down throughout the story. I found it both realistic and adorable, even during not so light pieces of this story.

"But then slowly, the clouds began to move and those stars came out, one by one."
I found this to provoke incredible imagery from this reader's perspective. And I wrote that response before reading the next line, which very accurately describes the images I was seeing from your writing.

" Painting the night sky with light. So beautiful, we all stood and stared. The porter came all too soon, although the crick in my neck told me we had maybe been staring for a while." I greatly enjoyed this.

The ending is incredibly beautiful as is this story. Well written as I read the Author's Note and notice this was at least loosely based on a true story which is an incredible revelation. I went back and re-read with the knowledge of your Grandfather being the two years. You captured their perspectives incredibly in regards to allowing this reader to suspend disbelief and vicariously experience it through their eyes. A very enjoyable story, I wish I had read it sooner.


Grammatical Note: "My father must has considered all those things!" While I also like this line, I feel you meant for "must have".

[Shannon]

First thanks for reading and finding the error.
I am glad you seemed drawn to the visuals in this one and the youthful voice worked.

[Lost, n'MT]

You're welcome. I'm surprised the master of creating grammatical errors and typos would actually find one.

Yes, both were very well executed.

[Dave]

This is very interesting! One of my favorite topics to teach was immigration. I always stressed how courageous these people had to have been. Lately I am putting together a two part program on immigration that I will present to adults as well as school children. In the second part I play the part of an Irish immigrant who comes to the U.S. just before the potato famine, but experiences it anyway. I do this, by the way, with an Irish accent. No I'm not any part Irish, but I do it well enough that I had a true gentleman from Ireland telling me that I must be from County Cork. I tried to make history come alive for my students and this was one of the ways.

[Shannon]

Sounds like an amazing lesson for the students. Thank you for reading!

[alanwgraham]

This is good. The diary works well and you have got the voice of the child well. It would be good to get a little about why they had to emigrate and perhaps cover their arrival and their impressions of their new home. Even allowing for the fact it is a child speaking you should have a good read through this and pick up a few slips eg in the first line 'going on the boat today' would be better. On the last day May 26th, it should read, 'the porter came'
Well done!
Alan

[Shannon]

Thank you for the read and review. I wanted the story to be generic, as so many people came here that way. But I was considering a second one more specific to my family story.
The proof reading. I am pretty good at doing other people's. I aggravate myself frequently.

[hcarson]

This is lovely..although people got sick etc doing this it is amazing in a way they had the chances to do jt and totally restart their lives, not so easy today. Must have been quite an adventure for children especially. Lovely to hear a bit of your family history as well. In my opinion this diary format works...i have used the same style before on a story aboyt a plague, i think its a great style, personal..quick and to the point, love it :)

[Shannon]

Thank you for reading. I think we talked about this one as potential story. So I appreciate the idea. The diary kept me from having to come up with plausible dialogue!

[hcarson]

Haha me to!! And having to be overly discriptive or choose between narration viewpoint..love it :)