Lights

Something a little different...

She doesn’t know how she got here….where’s here…here….giggle...here.

Things are kinda foggy…why are things so hard to see

And she is cold…why is she so cold

No shoes…sob…and the ground is that hard kind that stays cold

But the lights are beautiful….really pretty…chase them…catch them…like fireflies…

Oh that hur-

Author's Note

This is a complete departure for me. Any feedback would be helpful. I was trying to paint a picture, in my own way, did I manage? Poetry or prose?

Reviews

[hcarson]

there is definititely a bit of both prose and poetry in this, which is just how i like my poetry...if that makes sense haha, sometimes all out poetry can lose me in the point its trying to make with to many comparisons andto much expression that i forget what i first started reading haha so i really liked this, its intriquing,clear and spooky!! the open end brings visions of a person impaling themselves/ running off the edge of a cliff/ in front of a car...so many twisted scenarios that our minds can warp a simple sentence into...love it, full marks off me!!!

[Shannon]

Thank you. I even had several ideas of what the story could be, so I decided to keep it vague enough that readers could put her in any number of situations. Although,growing up and living in Western Canada (but not far enough west for mountains), a cliff never occurred to me! How are physical context impacts reading!

[hcarson]

yea i suppose it is where barry is built into the side of a huge hill and there are big cliff type drops over the beach at certain parts so as a danger it was one of the first to come to mind for me, it is crazy how anything can be rearranged and transfered to fit what we know, loved it will look forward to the next one :)

[Shannon]

I love that context shapes us and that people are willing to share their context! Lets just say, where I am from you are way more likely to freeze to death in a snow storm because there are not enough landmarks (all prairie or trees) than fall off a cliff!

[hcarson]

i love that, lots of trees...i was meant to be born in the countryside...i was made to pick up cow crap!! some people dream of high flying jobs..i would love to be surrounded by animals mooing and quacking all over the place..be great...to much concrete where i live :{

[Tina H.W.]

I'd say..more poetry! It was sweet. I want to know who "she" is. I imagine a little girl playing outside, chasing butterflies and discovering a new world. I really liked it. Mysterious... :)

[Stan Lee]

And back home there's a mother going hysterical wondering where her baby is.
Dark but at the same time there's a beautiful simplicity to this. Thanks for sharing. This one was intriguing.

[Shannon]

Thank you. I don't think many will be this dark.

[Inject Positivity]

i completely agree with Helen, this one has the touch of both of a poem and a story...it seems to me that a lady somehow got to an unknown place where the vision is foggy and very hard to see things in it...she is feeling cold too... the ending is so good, i loved how you compared the lights with fireflies.... this is really something that can put the reader under deep thoughts..... you did paint a wonderful picture in my mind...

[Shannon]

Thank you for the lovely review!