We

We

The sun pierced the clouds
and the trees, which covered
everything.  The woods
so dense, mid-summer
felt like early spring.
The wind whipped
and time blew by, but
not like we didn’t notice.
Streaks of pink and dark-red
ran down my leg like runs
in panty hose. We ran
through thorny bushes and walked
in muddy waters.  We fought
through fear with tears.
A long gravel road appeared,
white like chalk, silencing
the birds and insects
that before seemed to tease us.
I looked down to find
my socks mud and my legs
blistered.  My shirt smelled
what a murdered pig must.
I looked at my friend
and found peace in his eyes.
Walking down that road,
wind and time halted
together.  We weren’t even sure
what we were fighting for.

Reviews

[Jessica R.]

The emotion in this poem is great. It's very nicelly written-- good job. The only thing I suggest, as another person has suggested before me, is to seperate this poem into a couple of stanzas. It's up to you though, so don't take my word for everything. Lizanne Green has probably given one of the best reviews on this poem-- I agree with everything that she has stated.

[Lizanne]

The wind whipped and time flew by....I looked at my frend and found peace in his eyes...wind and time halted together. We wern't even sure what we were fighting for. An exquisite write. Such a flow like your soul got caught in a rapid in what at first seemed like a gentle river. But emerged victorius. Could this friend be part of life's mystery for you? Sometimes we feel as if two dwell within one body. A search for peace within? Or one could say you helped a very dear friend find what he was searching for and in doing so you sacrificed quiet a bit to help instill peace. The birds and insects taunted and teased, they did not sing and bring comfort. Maybe this is pointing to the battle that you and friend are fighting and you won because they were silenced. Whatever the meaning, you filmed a very cinemagraphic piece. It is brilliant and I absolutely give you the golden pen on this writing. I would have loved this piece to have been born from my pen. You are it's parent, having given birth to it. May you bear many more offspring such as this!

[visions of doom]

this is a seriously brilliant poem . the words just flow through the mind like a trickling stream , gently taking the reader on a journey , i enjoyed every letter of every word . you are the botticelli of the written word , such is the descriptive power of the picture you paint .
well done and thanks so much for sharing .

[Hannah Monttkomepy]

This was a very nice poem, beautifully written. The only thing I'd say might need changed or something is to separate the one stanza into a couple stanzas. Other than that, I enjoyed it a lot. =D

[chocolate_addict]

"We fought through fear with tears." This line really tied in a sense of compressed sadness. The fear appeared to be conquered through expelling sadness through tears and converting it in an expression of fear. Very interesting.

"We weren't even sure what we were fighting for." Oh, and I adore this line. It tied everything together. The entire piece seemed to be about unknown causes, and strange emotions that were tied in with the forest scenery.

Very nice job. It was interesting and well put together. I honestly cannot think of a suggestion of change to this piece. Well done! :)

[Courtney]

I'm still convinced that this one's about guys walking through dense forest after a war. What about a different title? I love this one.

[Cherry Berry]

Beautifully penned. So caught up in the moments that make life worth living, that you do not notice the aftermath. Well done.
xox
Cherri