This man ,crimson suffused on the fabric of his being , Treading on thin ice , adjacent to death's sting , His refuge is under the Dragon's wing , Flirts with demons , onto Hades he clings.
As though from a vantage above , My senses were in tune with the pain , Continually running through her nerves , And the thoughts grilling her brain.
She died begging , on her knees , Caged by her teeth , her pleas- "Save my son from the serpent's bliss , I am living... rather dying proof of regret's fees."
Life seemingly in pause , Wafted right past my nose , Death's stench , but can I oppose What fate purposes to dispose?
This man , a corpse endowed with mobility Induces impulses that trail dismay , His demeaned dignity , thawed solidity Indicate that I sheer away.
There exists two ways to deal with this- Since he's unworthy , walk away in peace , But before I move to the second , I'll trash the first , 'cause I am This man's habitat with vile at it's worst... Sinde
this is good.very good...you have some very intelligent lines here, and the poetry is really sophisticated.
"I am living... rather dying proof of regret's fees"
"This man , a corpse endowed with mobility"
this is great work...you describe brilliantly the life of a man 'Treading on thin ice , adjacent to death's sting'.and im guessing the only way to deal with this man's condition is to do the necessary, and begin on the path to the Celestial City....astute work bro. keep it up
We all each and everyone of us have a dark side, demons to fight in order to be free, but should we win this fight we may yet find that we are still prisoners of another kind.
An intelligent and painful almost primal struggle with demons that ultimately make or break us... spoke to me, with a flow that "This Man" knows to be true.
Dance with Hades, let him sway... just hold in your heart that "This Man" will eventually find his own way.....
Excellent work!you are very good with your words!i really enjoyed this poem because it actually challenges my mind,it is definately not for the ordinary mind!the words you use really stand out and pass on the message,but i do agree with you,it kinda lacks a clear flow of story line,it's more of a flow of deep words,you might wanna be careful with that so that the reader does not get lost,confuse or actually misunderstand your poem.Try and add abit of story line to it,just to add the excellent flow it already has.but all in all good work,your very creative
Poor at maintaining a good flow?dnt sell yourself short!this is definately not a poem for the average mind!it has a classy complexity to it that i enjoy!i like the message it brings and so many lines grab my attention!!its a thrilling read!
this is good.very good...you have some very intelligent lines here, and the poetry is really sophisticated.
"I am living... rather dying proof of regret's fees"
"This man , a corpse endowed with mobility"
this is great work...you describe brilliantly the life of a man 'Treading on thin ice , adjacent to death's sting'.and im guessing the only way to deal with this man's condition is to do the necessary, and begin on the path to the Celestial City....astute work bro. keep it up
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