On Me

 

I bury every chance I get
and destroy all of the shovels.
Every trap I trip I set,
I create all my own troubles.

Reviews

[Dillon Cotter]

short yet meaningful and very understanding. nice work bro.

-Will

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

wildly enthraling in it's possibilities for interpretation~ I love your word play~

[Hedra Helix]

ohh yea i remember you too, yeah stick around. you got tight quirky style. dig it.

[Hedra Helix]

Ohh thats just awesome, yeah... read it again, every line;) so dope.

[RHEA CROSLEY]

It sounds like a cleaver little ditty an Irish farmer would sing.

[T. F. Rice]

Very cute. The piece has its own rhythm, and I think works... except for one thing that tripped me up: (consider:)

"Every trap I trip I set,"
Do you mean "Every trap I trip I've set;" or "I've set every trap I trip;"? Both would work better than current phrasing, I think.

This being a complete sentence/thought, and the same for the following line, requires either a period or a semicolon to lead the reader well.

I've printed this out, in case you revise, since you are entered in the contest:
The Other Herald's Summer Writing Contest
and if you edit it may be dropped out. Maybe wait to edit but let me know your thoughts?? That way, I can consider still.

Smiles, T F Rice

P.S. I hope critique is ok, since I know many users of this site like to say all nice things... that tends to be of no help to the writer who wants to keep writing... better all the time...

[Anna M. Mortensen]

Rather self-defeating, but I like it. Sounds like my life.