what i see, when my eyes are dim

for 'phobia'

Every night
I check my windows
I check my doors
I see if your there
waiting to devour me
my stalker
my hunter
killing me once
sending me away
in the hospital
I woke up screaming
unable to comprehend that you
no longer held me tight by the hair
no longer had your blades in my theigh
no longer had your hold on my throat
that i felt like i still was bound to your bed
tape over my mouth
cuts all over my being
gasping for breaths through my sobs
terror in my eyes
I looked at you
your evil grin
saying how fun it was
how much you loved me
how much you cared
and yet you gripped me tighter
pulling at my hair
my feet bound together
my arms above my head
you tore the tape from my mouth
I puked from anxiety and strain
wretching from my soul
the things you had done to me
thrusting your shaft in my body
your cuts still fresh on my flesh
your penetration
your devistating looks
the way you grinned as you took me in your fist
telling me never to leave
telling me to never go away
never to hurt you
or I would die
telling me,
with my hair ripping in half
strand by strand
the fact that your other hand was playing
with my exposed bottom
your hands rough and rotten
your breath putrid on my ear as you spoke
my body shivering from fear
afraid of what you had done
the ways you violated me
the rape
the pain
the shame
the cuts and wounds I would need to treat
the tears I would cry again
hours passed
and finally you let me go
kissing me gentally
saying 'I love you'
I shiverred
I wasn't allowed to leave him

but I did

I wasn't suposed to live

but I did

when i open my eyes at night
I feel the ropes on my wrists
I feel his cold blade on my legs
I feel the breath on my neck
I hear his voice comming after me
he will find me
I can't hide forever
but until he finds me
I am stuck here
what I see when my eyes are dim
is what I saw
when I almost died
at the hands of him

Author's Note

true story. of me. back last summer/school year. i still wake up thinking i'm back in his room. traped.

Reviews

[Tania Leigh]

This is something nobody should have to experience...my heart goes out to you.

I cannot imagine the nightmares you must have....your poem gives me an idea of the horror.

Very well written piece....very chilling. Thank you for entering the contest.

[Valentine]

I know exactly how you feel and the pain you have gone through.I too almost did not survive spouse abuse, it left me disabled and 1000 miles away in hiding..Sad what some mentally unbalanced people think that love is..God be with you..tdime will ease the dreams but after years I now and then have one,,God bless...Valentine

[Nico]

I liked this piece very much......you didn't hold back and expressed yourself fully. I admire that. Excellent write here, aside from some minor spelling mistakes I really liked it!!!!!!!

[slowpez]

I would sooner punch myself in the face then critique your words, and even if, I am in no more of a vantage point or position, (except outside of your perspective) to say a word on such a piece. ...this is very brave of you,... I'm sure your consciousness is very proud of you... (sound strange?) the personality can be bifercated or split with events so terrible in a life,, and you letting something out i think is a great sign. Keep listening to yourself This happens to too many young girls/ girls/ young woman/and adults... and you may help someone.