you

you judged me from the start
you grasped me by the throat
trheatened the life heald within my mind
my heart was in pieces
you crushed my insperation
had me hide in humiliation for who i was
you couldn't let me live a good life
you couldn't let me be happy without you

you couldn't accept the fat that i was happy
you couldn't keep the fact that you were crazy
you had to do it
you hacked my llife
you destroyed my work
destroayed my soul
with a single click
the scars i have
are much deeper than just skin
the ones an my body, i will always remember how i fought
the ones in my mind and in my heart
will remind me of how blind and stupid i was to fall for you
even for a second
i'm broken, scraping pieces into my hand from the floor
my love helps
but not a day goes by
that i don't remember the pain
i will always fremember how you ripped my heart out
saying pain is love
parading around like a king
with my hair in your fist
with my eyes sewn shut to your torment
to my cell i was locked in
to keep me from the world, i was locked away
for you only
my mouth kept shut with fright
you ruled me
you tormented me
and now i'm free
fighting for the shatters of my life i'm hunting for
trying to be back to the person i once was
evemntually i will
for today
i'm just looking
for the pieces of me
because of you

Author's Note

spelling sucks. yes, i know

Reviews

[THERISA]

A simple solution for the spelling, is to put your writing through the spellchecker of a messenger program before posting here. That will eliminate most of the spelling errors. Basically everything that Samith suggested to you, will dramatically improve your presentation of the poem. The more you write, the better you'll grasp the technique that works best for you. You have a very strong start, just delevop it with practice. As the poem, itself. It a strong and powerful written piece, which i can relate to. Thank you for taking the risk and sharing this poem with us.

Therisa

[Samith Pich]

actually the spelling isn't that bad and neither is this poem :)

I am always hesitant to review work where I don't feel that I can offer advice on how it could be better (not that my works is fantastic and I can judge people) but rather that I think writerscafe is already a great supportive environment and you'll have people happy to give you warm fluffy statements, so i prefer to help people by hopefully raising their standard of their own craft.

there is no doubting your earnesty, the words are wonderfully raw with simmering anger and pangs of loss

the last four lines are wonderful and so are the first four - your words shine when u use strong concretes statements in this poem:

you grasped me by the throat, the scars i have are much deeper than just skin, scraping pieces into my hand from the floor, parading around like a king
with my hair in your fist (i love that line)

in general, i work on the principal that less is more in poetry, unless you are doing it for a specific purpose, try not to repeat yourself when you can just write it once - so in this poem i think you, and me is offered too many times - tho i know it's hard to not include these - tho you could always latch onto a metaphor to do the same thing -

example:

you couldn't accept the fat that i was happy
or that you were crazy
but you had to do it
hacking my life
destroying my work, my soul
with a single click

etc.

the first stanza is great!