My Fears, My Phobias

“What is it you fear more than anything?” I remember her asking me… in a flash all my fears, both past and present, began playing before my eyes like a reel of film flickering in and out. I began to sift through my wreckage of phobia, changing from reel to reel trying to find that one I knew I feared the most. The first short began and all I could see was what seemed to be an endless fall, it went on for miles and miles before finally vanishing into a black abyss. “No, not that..” I thought as I swapped films, the second reel faded in, fire and smoke surrounded me, mocking my life and all that I was, choking me and praying that I dare an escape. “Ahhh no..” The third film I grabbed seemed older than the two before, cob webs decorated all around as if it had been abandoned, I throw it on and watch it count down. Darkness…. all I see is darkness.. no light anywhere, not a single light bulb, flame or even moon, I feel my eyes dilate as I swap films, “No.. no.. no, where is it!?” I begin to get flustered, she’s waiting for my answer but I cannot find the words.. I cannot find the film to explain to her what I see, somehow I mumble.. “Uhmm… well.. its….” as I frantically search, now throwing film over my shoulders. “This, this has to be it…” The film begins an older version of me, unaccomplished and alone… “No, that’s not it either!” Just as I am about to give up on my search.. I find it, hidden under all my fears, buried by the carnage that is my phobia.. slowly I reach for the film, cautiously I load it… The film begins with me looking directly into her eyes.. I grab for her hands… everything seems to slow down, all that is audible is my heart pounding against my chest, carefully the words come out.. “I love you…” as she opened her mouth.. her eyes filled with tears and she walked away….

Reviews

[Angela]

Wow! I know, not very eloquent, but I'm usually not struck dumb. How deep are our psyches? How much of our inner being is penetrated by fear of one kind or another, and the ultimate fear, giving your heart and professing the words, only to watch her walk away. Beautiful.

[Celeste21]

I like the flicker of the reels. Maybe because I used to work at a movie theater in took pleasure in watching the machine works it's magic for everybody down below... So for you to go through this in your mind adds to the complex you are in to have to share something so intimately close to your heart- your fears. The ending upsets me. Not because it is bad. It just made me a bit sad. Regardless, it doesn't take away from the lovely piece you've written, or the fact that the ending allows you to see that you put your heart and soul on the line just to give the girl an honest reply into your inner being.

[patricia]

I thought this was absolutely excellent. I don't know how true it is, but my grown up son tells me that there are only two fears we are born with the first is the fear of falling and the second is noise.
For me your poem says it all. Thankyou