28th Jan,2011

''We are falling apart

because our centres can't hold''.

This became my favourite sentence

back in high school

where the girls thought

they looked prettiest when they were sad,

at that time i didn't even know

if it had been said before

but i liked its rustic flavour

and the palpable ,warming pain

of being broken.

(God you dont have any idea

how it made me feel)

it made me feel like i wasn't just existing,

i was living,i only live on my dark days.

My God is a big black disparaging one

who doesn't need me

and who makes me think

there has never been anything more

delicate and lively than depression,

its pervasive and persuasive,

it spreads hanging tight in balance

like a cobweb.

Back in high school i tasted

stale beer and kept my uncles in my closet

and got my heart broken and scotch-taped

and there can't be anything

more lovely than a highschool heart,

it can be worn on a bracelet

and one can brag about it

or it can be thrown on an ouija board

like a planchette...it will give truest answers of all.

It is gullible like those pleated gray uniform skirts.

In highschool,

we'd all wanted to be called jaded

we loved the ''j'' word because we didn't have the

capability to hate

and somewhere perhaps then

black became the most powerful colour i had ever come across,

 shoving everyother colour aside,it plods on the screen,

colouring,colouring,

my iron lung,my resuscitator so very vital to feel

and see and live

but i love it  most because it makes me write,

it makes me believe that i'm a miracle and

that i deserve another year to live,

it makes me want to keep on writing

and writing and writing.

Author's Note

first draft...might add more...whatcha think.

Reviews

[Narnie]

The date is my eldest daughter's birthday... and you could have been writing about her teenage years. I'm so pleased she's emerged from it. I have to admit, I went through it too although mine was an angry rebellion which was reenforced by punk and hard rock fighting the Thatcher era. I feel pretty damned proud that we grew up knowing what it was to believe deeply in something enough to dig out the bad feelings and turn them into action. The wallowing self pity that I see so many young fall into nowadays seems to be an excuse for boredom but then I'm an old fogey, haha. It would be good to pursue this line of thinking - maybe some light at the end of the tunnel?

[Jūdan FyreHeart]

A great reflection back to the times of old, so far away yet only a moment ago. Where the view on the world was tainted, tarnished yet so naive and innocent - much to our own denial.

[.]

. amazingly potent and poignant ... i was a fool when i was in high school ... i didn't know jackshit about anything ... i had a tough time just going to school ... and coping with abuse i was being subjected to at home ... not knowing what is to be said to whom and how ... to seek help ... and there was the other part of the world ... in a "glorious" depression ... that i could never comprehend ... years later ... i saw the world for what it is ...

[Radiohead]

Heart-wrenching, sweet, wonderful and vivid. I will read more of your work.

[miSS LEaf]

amazing.........! literary phenomenon. you make simple to grand in a breath~

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

but i liked its rustic flavour

and the palpable ,warming pain

of being broken.
I like these lines..and i like th essence of the poem..you always capture melancholy so well.
I have two suggestions..am not clear about the following lines.
*stale beer and kept uncles in my closet..should it be kept in my uncle's closet.
*and got my heart broken and scotch-tapped..i think it is taped.
You write with such heart wrenching honesty.

[Robin]

I think this is marvelous ! this piece is filled with lines that are simply stunning ..

[abhas]

there's a certain aura to this... a certain reflection that is superbly told... the dark days... prettiest when sad... high school heart... and jaded... just plain wonderful.. makes one feel to dream on... to submerge in these words... do add more... it is great...